THOUGHT 4 THE WEEK
I Like Me Best When I'm With You!
Recognising and accommodating Primary Personality (PP) is critical to continuing success in your chosen career, your business, and your family. Get it right and emotional and financial outcomes prosper.
This paper overviews how high assertive personalities need to adjust their behaviour. Next week, we shall overview the low assertive personalities.
If you are a COOL/TELLER or WARM/TELLER the two groups that follow commence with someone you recognise as possessing the same emotiveness and assertiveness as you do.The remaining three strategies are with those who possess little or no common behaviour traits with you.
Take a moment to remind yourself of your own qualities by reading and re-reading the respective opening paragraph that defines your own PP. Then, as you read each profile, imagine you are willing to role-shift to obtain a mutually beneficial outcome.
If You Are A COOL/TELLER …
The COOL/TELLER ~ is just like you; high in assertiveness, and low in responsiveness. You will need to keep your will to win in check and allow them to arrive at the ‘appropriate’ decision by placing positive options before them. If you attempt to compete, they will want to win. They are motivated by results. The WHAT is important to you both!
The WARM/TELLER ~ is high in assertiveness, but higher in responsiveness than you. You will need to relax, unwind and express yourself more freely. Show them you are a person rather than a ‘boss’. This is a relationship of collaboration. They are motivated by the testimony of others. The WHO is important to them!
The WARM/ASKER ~ is lower in assertiveness, but higher in responsiveness; the antithesis to you! You will need to avoid pushing the agenda too hard or they will capitulate then change their mind. You will need to share each other’s feelings, remembering this personality does things for others. They are motivated by personal trust. The WHY is important to them!
The COOL/ASKER ~ is lower in assertiveness, but similar to you in responsiveness. You will need to consider factual possibilities rather than give direction; offer evidence rather than make decisions. They believe compromise is the best course of action. They are motivated by facts and figures. The HOW is important to them!
*****
If You Are A WARM/TELLER …
The WARM/TELLER ~ is just like you; high in assertiveness and in responsiveness. You will have such a good time you’ll probably lose sight of why you got together in the first place. Have a clear objective in mind to help you both work toward the desired outcome. This is a relationship of collaboration. They are motivated by the testimony of others. The WHO is important to you both!
The WARM/ASKER ~ is lower in assertiveness, but the same in responsiveness as you. Avoid partying too hard or they will capitulate then cancel. Remember this personality does things for others. They are motivated by personal trust. The WHY is important to them!
The COOL/ASKER ~ is lower in assertiveness, and in responsiveness; the antithesis of you! You will need to calm down and do your homework to ‘prove’ your case. This personality does not accept hearsay and anecdote. They are not naturally fun-loving. They want proposals to consider. They believe compromise is the best course of action. They are motivated by facts and figures. The HOW is important to them!
The COOL/TELLER ~ is the same in assertiveness, but lower in responsiveness than you. You will need to keep your fun-loving ways in check. Allow them to arrive at their own decision by placing positive options before them. If you attempt to compete, they will want to win. They are motivated by results. The WHAT is important to them!
To explore this paper, order your pdf copy of: ‘Who Do I Think I Am: Say Hello To Your Personality’ or arrange your workshop, email info@uetp.co.uk But hurry, only 27 of 100 FREE copies remain.
Complicated IS Easy! Simple IS Hard!
The dictionary is not helpful when defining RESPONSIBILITY as the state or fact of being accountable or to blame for something.
And even less helpful when defining ACCOUNTABILITY as required or expected to justify actions or decisions; responsible.
So, responsibility is accountability; and accountability is responsibility?!? Talk about double-talk!?!
To arrive at a meaningful understanding of psychological maturity UETP breaks down the word RESPONSIBILITY into its two constituent parts: RESPONSE; and, ABILITY
The dictionary defines RESPONSE as a re/action to something. And, ABILITY as the possession of the means or skill to do something.
We now have a working definition, a re/action to something demonstrating skill. This is what we mean when using the term Psychological Maturity when applied to our coaching.
RECAP
Anyone studying our BLOG for a while knows we assess Primary Personality (PP) on the perceived combination of two observable human traits:
- EMOTIVENESS meaning how someone outwardly displays the way they are feeling, and
- ASSERTIVENESS meaning how someone attempts to control the thoughts and actions of others,
COOL/TELLER = LOW EMOTIVENESS with HIGH ASSERTIVENESS
WARM/TELLER = HIGH EMOTIVENESS and HIGH ASSERTIVENESS
COOL/ASKER = LOW EMOTIVENESS and LOW ASSERTIVENESS and,
WARM/ASKER = HIGH EMOTIVENESS with LOW ASSERTIVENESS
The ability to effectively move between each of the four PPs demonstrates psychological Maturity. So,
Are You Psychologically MATURE …?
Do you tend to offer an accommodating response to someone by demonstrating effective interpersonal skills to attain a mutually beneficial outcome at home and in your work (see paragraph four above) ~ WIN/WIN? Or,
Are You Psychologically IMMATURE …?
Do you tend to ignore the behaviour traits of the person or people you are with to the detriment of any mutually beneficial outcome ~ LOSE/LOSE?
The choice is always yours!
Tune in next week for another thrilling instalment of how to become emotionally and financially better off by consciously role-shifting for the advantage of all involved!
To discuss this paper or arrange your highly effective workshop, email info@uetp.co.uk or text John on 0044 7900 251258.
Complicated IS Easy! Simple IS Hard!
To receive your FREE pdf copy of ‘Who Do I Think I Am: Say Hello To Your Personality’ email info@uetp.co.uk [this offer is limited to the first 100 requests].
… means maintaining a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutually beneficial outcomes in all human interactions, or agreeing to disagree, agreeably.
First introduced to “I'm OK – You're OK” in the early 1980s whilst a fledgling salesman for a major life assurance company, the book sparked a lifelong interest in learning how to get along with more people, more often than not. To attain a mutually beneficial outcome as often as possible or agree to disagree, agreeably (see opening definition). Such outcomes only enhance emotional and financial wellbeing in families and in a chosen career ~ as it did in mine.
Thomas Harris’s 1967 masterpiece is still in demand as it introduces to the general public the subject of transactional analysis demonstrating how to recognise the Parent-Adult-Child postures people assume in daily social interactions, and how such self-awareness allows us to become more discerning, rational, and empowered human beings.
Harris defines four postures:
- I’m Not OK, You’re OK = for example a child during its vulnerable years is dependent on its parents looking to Mum and Dad for everything
- I’m Not OK, You’re Not OK = for example the youth during their know-it-all years is counter-dependent. A little knowledge is confusing when mishandled
- I’m OK, You’re Not OK = in the misbelief that to be independent is the true goal for success, Western educators emphasise stand alone and carry on regardless. Such an existence is OK if your desire is to be a goat-farmer up a mountain or a mad scientist in the bowels of a castle a la Mary Shelley’s 1818 Frankenstein
- I’m OK, You’re OK = is the highest form of mutually beneficial outcome. It means each party strives for synergy meaning the interaction or cooperation of two or more organizations, substances, or other agents to produce a combined effect greater than the sum of their separate effects
What Has All This Got To Do With Our Coaching?
Over the past 4-decades, UETP has brought together synergistic works in the field of the behaviour sciences that fuelled the simplification of the social styles we define as: COOL/TELLER; WARM/TELLER; COOL/ASKER; and, WARM/ASKER.
To receive your FREE pdf copy of ‘Who Do I Think I Am: Say Hello To Your Personality’ email info@uetp.co.uk [this offer is limited to the first 100 requests].
To explore this paper and/or organise your workshop text 0044 7900 251258.
Complicated IS Easy! Simple IS Hard!
UETPs definition of personality is a combination of traits that display distinctive behaviour.
The purpose of our version of inter-personal skills awareness training is to teach ~ in simple terms ~ how to understand how others want you to behave with them, which commences with you understanding how you behave.
Get it right more often than not and you will have an even more rewarding life at home, at work and at play. Get it wrong more often than not … you go figure!
Stop & Think
Just for a moment, think of the customers and colleagues in the work you do. Or, think about the other members in the career you are pursuing. Or, the customer’s and employees in the business you run. Even, think about your situation if you have temporarily lost your income through redundancy or the global pandemic.
Whatever your circumstances, have you told yourself, “Just another 10, 20, 30 years to go!” “If I can only make enough money.” “When I retire I can do what I want to do”.
This ancient mis-truth justifies paying your bills today but delays the person you could become. These rational-lies persuade you why you keep doing the things you don’t really want to do or for being the kind of boss you’d rather not be.
And if you doubt it, take a look at the latest Forbes report that confirms ~ yet again ~ a decades old statistic that 7-out-of-10 people hate what they do for a living!
Who Makes Your Decisions?
You don't need to be a rocket scientist to understand that you make your own decisions, or you allow others to decide for you. Your choice in the matter determines the jobs you will take and the money you will earn. But isn’t life too short to be or to do the things you know are not right for you? Do I hear you say, “But I do what I do for my family.”
Just 1000 Months!
Look at it this way. Anyone born in the West since 1990 has a projected lifespan of about 84 years ~ or 1000 months!
In the first 200-300 months of your life you were a pre-schooler, then at school, and maybe further education. The next 500 months you will spend in a job, or in a career, or running a successful business (if you’re very lucky).
That leaves just 200 months of your life to do what you really want to do; assuming that is, you are fit and healthy enough to enjoy the ‘fruits of your labours’. Sorry if this truth hurts!
In-A-Nutshell
The greatest chance of you choosing to do what you really want to do with the rest of your life rests on your ability to get on with more people, more often than not.
As the poet said, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life".
To explore this paper or arrange a workshop, text 0044 7900 251258 or email info@uetp.co.uk
Complicated IS Easy! Simple IS Hard!
NB:In-depth understanding of stress reactions is usually reserved for our workshops. But here’s an overview.
Question of The Week: ‘I know of highly assertive people who become tearful. How does this stack up with your Stress Reactions?’
In our previous two BLOGs we glimpsed the initial stress reaction of each of the four Primary Personalities. There are, however, four progressive levels of negative stress that can manifest if the cause of that stress is not managed appropriately.
Recap: The first level (L1) of stress reaction is when each primary personality becomes more of what they are:
- The Cool/Teller (C/T) becomes more assertive and less emotive
- The Warm/Teller (W/T) becomes more assertive and more emotive
- The Cool/Askers (C/A) becomes less assertive and less emotive
- The Warm/Askers (W/A) becomes less assertive and more emotive
But, what if the cause of someone’s physical, intellectual or emotional stress persists. What then?
Unremitting stress inappropriately managed may manifest in what we term as the N-Pattern; first travelling through the assertive dimension followed by the emotive dimension.
Let’s take the Cool/Teller's journey through their stress reactions:
- Level 1 ~ becomes more of a Cool/Teller meaning more assertiveness and less emotiveness, then
- Level 2 ~ becoming a Cool/Asker meaning reducing assertiveness whilst maintaining low emotiveness, then
- Level 3 ~ becoming a Warm/Teller meaning regaining assertiveness and adding emotiveness, then
- Level 4 ~ becoming a Warm/Asker meaning maintaining emotiveness whilst reducing assertiveness (this is the stress level when the C/T can cry)
Here are N-Pattern's for the other Primary Personalities journey through their stress reactions:
- The Warm/Teller initially becomes more of a W/T, followed by W/A, then C/T, then C/A
- The Cool/Asker initially becomes more of a C/A, followed by C/T, then W/A, then W/T
- The Warm/Asker initially becomes more of a W/A, followed by W/T, then C/A, then C/T
In-A-Nutshell
Everyone is made up of the same ‘star-stuff’. However, primary personality acquired in the first 5-years of life, responds to persistent stress through the predictable N-Pattern.
IMPORTANT: Most primary personalities wittingly or unwittingly enter L1 in an attempt to relieve what they perceive to be the cause of their stress. Moving to L2 and beyond, is likely to provoke an increasingly debilitating reaction within the individual, even leading to a psychotic episode (which is beyond the scope of our interpersonal skills coaching).
To discuss this paper, text 0044 7900 251258 or email info@uetp.co.uk
Next week we shall explore the empowering outcome of projecting Psychological Maturity.
Complicated IS Easy! Simple IS Hard!
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