THOUGHT 4 THE WEEK
Last week we introduced Emo & Asser, the Tiveness twins. If we pay attention to those around us, we see:
Emotiveness meaning someone’s perceived attempt to control their feelings when dealing with you, and
Assertiveness meaning someone’s perceived attempt to control your thoughts and actions
When we lay Emotiveness as a horizontal axis and Assertiveness as a vertical axis, the FOUR Primary Personalities (PPs) are revealed, viz:
COOL/TELLER who is Lo in emotional display and Hi in assertiveness
WARM/TELLER who is Hi in both emotional display and assertiveness
WARM/ASKER who is Hi in emotional display and Lo in assertiveness, and
COOL/ASKER who is Lo in both emotional display and assertiveness
Obtaining Agreement to Act
When being asked to consider anything of importance, everyone requires satisfaction of two response mechanisms before they will act appropriately.
These two responses are:
- USING SOMEONE’S TIME ~ meaning not frustrating the way someone wants to progress toward action
- ASSISTING DECISION MAKING ~ meaning not frustrating someone’s final choice to act or not
Next week we shall explore Decision Making; today we shall explore Use of Time:
COOL/TELLERs ~ want their time used effectively so, you need to get to and stick to the purpose of your conversation/meeting quickly. C/Ts have high expectations of themselves and will project it on to you seeking evidence of your competence to deliver what they want.
WARM/TELLERs ~ want time to have a little fun so, don’t get down to the serious stuff too quickly. W/Ts have a zest for life and will expect you to feel it, too. You can expect them to deviate from the message, answer their mobile in the middle of your conversation, and arrive late for just about every get together.
WARM/ASKERs ~ need you to make friends first so, take enough time to find out about the people they care about i.e. family, friends and work colleagues. W/As feel life is for relaxing so find a comfy place to sit down, if you can. You may not even get around to the purpose of your conversation/meeting but, don’t worry, they’ll ask you back.
COOL/ASKERs ~ need you to use their time efficiently so, having a formal ~ even written ~ agenda to keep you both focused works with them. C/As think life has no single answer and is a balance of consequence. They will want to deliberate over any new information or topic you introduce. Expect the process to take several discussions/meetings.
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“What’s the background to how these titles are arrived at?”
Great Question ~ If you’ve been keeping up with our recent T4TWs, you’ll be aware of the FOUR Primary Personalities: the COOL/TELLER; the WARM/TELLER; the WARM/ASKER; and, the COOL/ASKER.
But, how did we arrive at these descriptions?
To keep things simple, let me introduce you to Emo and Asser, brother and sister in the Tiveness family.
Emo Tiveness displays a range of emotions from Low i.e. you can’t see how he is feeling; to High i.e. you see just about everything he is feeling
Asser Tiveness displays a range of assertion from Low i.e. she prefers never to disagree; to High i.e. she’s happy to argue about anything at all
Draw a horizontal line, left to right, through the center of a piece of paper and label it, Emotiveness with Lo on the left and Hi on the right.
Now, draw a vertical line down and through the center of that piece of paper and label it, Assertiveness with Hi at the top and Lo at the bottom.
You have now identified FOUR quadrants:
- top left represents Lo Emotiveness with Hi Assertiveness (i.e. COOL/TELLER)
- top right represents Hi Emotiveness with Hi Assertiveness (i.e. WARM/TELLER)
- bottom right represents Hi Emotiveness with Lo Assertiveness (i.e. WARM/ASKER); and,
- bottom left represents Lo Emotiveness with Lo Assertiveness (i.e. COOL/ASKER)
So, what difference do these PPs make to helping or hindering relationships?
Next week, we’ll explore how each Primary Personality:
- wants their TIME USED ~ effectively; efficiently; to have fun; or, to make friends, and
- how they make DECISIONS ~ Win/Lose; Win/Win; Lose/Win; or, Lose/Lose.
Have you ever tried to dump a persistent bad habit that is holding back your career or personal situation?
If in-discipline is getting in the way of doing what you know you should to secure your success and happiness, and you can’t break the cycle of try and fail, try and fail, you need to seriously review your environment.
Overwhelming evidence reveals the people you spend most of your time with and the environment you spend most of your time in helps or hinders your true potential.
Duke University, North Carolina USA noticed it was possible that students who habitually distracted themselves through TV media could break-the-habit and focus on their studies when they transferred to a new university. Of course, addictive personalities continued to feed their bad-habit, which, inevitably produced lower academic achievement.
Not surprisingly, animals develop inappropriate habits, too. When living in a bad environment, negative triggers reinforce poor behaviour. But, from the moment an animal is placed in an uplifting environment, new patterns of positive behaviour trigger reinforcers for personal growth.
The same is true for you and me!
“To develop better habits”, says Professor Wendy Wood who lead the Duke study, “it is essential to pay attention to your environment and not rely on willpower alone”.
Receive your free pdf 15-week planner to help you develop great habits for your sales career by emailing your questions and comments to
Question of The Week … “Why are some personalities seemingly impossible to observe?”
Asking yourself if someone is emotionally Warm or emotionally Cool; and, is an Asker or a Teller, identifies their primary personality, which allows you to modify your behaviour to accommodate theirs viz. roll-shift.
But occasionally, someone’s primary personality seems impossible to observe (could you be with another student of ours?)
High Psychological Maturity
Through effective training ~ or more uncommonly, intuition ~ those harder to ID 'practice' a higher degree of psychological maturity (PsM). In other words, they are learning to be more agreeable with more people.
When this is the case, striving to accommodate their personality becomes less urgent or even unnecessary, as it is highly probable a mutually beneficial outcome will be secured for all involved.
This is true even when a decision to make no decision or to disagree, agreeably is that outcome!
Low Psychologial Maturity
To the contrary, when someone has no willingness or ability to accommodate other personalities, they display a lower degree of PsM but, advantageously, makes them easier to identify when asking yourself the two standard questions of Cool or Warm emotiveness, and Tell or Ask assertiveness.
For example, a psychologically immature COOL/TELLER consistently shows no outward emotion as well as being highly demanding of others. I liken their ultra-ego to a Lion: it’s better to be wary of how close you get as their roar can be as deafening as it is sudden!
Other animal comparisons could be: a WARM/TELLER, Wolf; the WARM/ASKER, Lamb, and the COOL/ASKER, Owl.
Take a look at each of the four primary personalities listed at the top of this page. Then call 07900 251258 to explore this empowering subject further.
“If personality profiling has been around for 8-decades, why do organisations still have such a high turnover of staff?”
Good Question ... and depending on which work analysis you study, average annual staff turnover is between 1-in-6 and 4-in-6, which is a terrible waste of time and money for any organisation. For graduate placements, the figure for defection within 12-months of engagement is 5-in-6 (over 80%)!.
So, What Are The Reasons For Defection?
Excluding circumstances beyond someone's control, such as bereavement or illness, people leave their job for three avoidable reasons.
Two of the top three job-related defections are due to:
- promised job-role or reward failing to materialise, and
- being the only job offer at the time income was needed
But, the PRIMARY cause of defection is, without doubt, a personality clash with management, a colleague, or even customers.
From a 2-year study of the recruitment industry, we discovered even experienced interviewers focus almost exclusively on a resume/CV (online recruitment algorithms tend to altogether replace high-touch with hi-tech) in the false belief that all successful candidates will willingly reproduce more of their past productivity in the future. OUCH!
The answer to the opening question is that most interviewers ~ through ignorance or lack of interpersonal skills training ~ overlook someone's reason Why (motivation) on the rash assumption that simply turning up for an interview is motivation enough. They also fail to identify How the candidate does things (behaviour). Both are ultimate cash-burning failings!
So, What Is Casting?
As important as the Why and How of the candidate is, both are irrelevant UNTIL management has ‘Cast’ the role(s) they wish to be performed.
Every work engagement is like casting for a West End Stage Production. Every member of the ‘cast’ performing a complementary role so the performance is pleasing the audiences!
To arrange an introductory workshop, call 07900 251 258