THOUGHT 4 THE WEEK
NOTE: Followed correctly and frequently this relaxing method will provide an accelerated state of removing negative stress from mind and body as it produces a sense of personal wellbeing. This method is not meant to replace professional counselling for emotional or psychological disturbances. Referral to a suitably qualified counsellor or therapist is recommended for issues outside the scope of this method of relaxation, which is intended only for general use and not as a specific course of treatment.
Everyone talks about the health-giving benefits of effective relaxation. But, how do we attain it?
Rooted in ancient oriental custom, the followng method teaches relaxation that can be adopted by anyone, at virtually anytime, anywhere.
In its shortened version, it may be used to prepare you for the company of others to attain Alpha brainwave relaxation, reducing levels of personal stress but without becoming detached.
In its extended version, it will attain Delta brainwave sleep enabling the natural rhythm of mind and body (psycho-soma) to work in harmony for your sense of wellbeing and health.
Why not make a voice recording, listening to yourself each time you go to bed. Add a favourite chill-out sound track too.
SHORTENED VERSION ~ From Tip to Toe
Make yourself as comfortable as possible and settle into a position where you won’t have to wriggle too much. You may be seated, but lying down on your back with your arms relaxed beside you and your feet slightly apart is particularly beneficial.
Close your eyes and clear your mind of the hustle and bustle of your daily routine. When I mention them, visualise and gently flex that body part. Become aware of your body as your mind synchronises with each sensation.
For example, visualise the scalp of your head. Gently flex the skin. Hold the sensation for a moment, visualising the top of your head. Now release.
Now, visualise your forehead. Frown very gently and release.
Visualise your eyes (remember they should be gently closed), squint very slightly and release.
In a moment you'll visualise parts of your body from the tip of your head to your toes. But first, let's become aware of breathing.
In slow succession, with your eyes gently closed, you’re going to inhale deeply three times raising your tummy as you do so. You will inhale through your nose, hold each breath for a couple of heart-beats, then exhale slowly through your mouth resting the tip of your tongue against your teeth. Whilst doing this, you will say in your mind, R-E-L-A-X.
Now, take a deep breath through your nose, count to five, then exhale slowly through your mouth saying in your mind .... R-E-L-A-X.
Count to five and take another deep breath ..... and ..... R-E-L-A-X.
Take another deep breath ..... and ..... R-E-L-A-X.
As you continue breathing softly and rhythmically, you are going to visualise and R-E-L-A-X each of the following parts of your body. Breath normally, visualise and …
R-E-L-A-X your Scalp (flex your head)
R-E-L-A-X your Forehead (wrinkle your forehead)
R-E-L-A-X your Eyes (gently screw your eyes)
R-E-L-A-X your Nose (you know what to do ... )
R-E-L-A-X your Lips
R-E-L-A-X your Tongue
R-E-L-A-X your Ears
R-E-L-A-X your Shoulders
R-E-L-A-X your Upper Arms
R-E-L-A-X your Fore Arms
R-E-L-A-X your Fingers
R-E-L-A-X your Upper Back
R-E-L-A-X your Chest
R-E-L-A-X your Lower Back
R-E-L-A-X your Tummy
R-E-L-A-X your Hips
R-E-L-A-X your Thighs
R-E-L-A-X your Knees
R-E-L-A-X your Calves
R-E-L-A-X your Ankles, your Heels, the Soles of your Feet and your Toes
Now, take a deep breath through the nose extending your tummy, briefly hold ... and exhale slowly through your mouth and ... R-E-L-A-X.
Notice how this breath is often much deeper than the three you commenced with.
Now, visualise a perfect place of calm and safety; somewhere that may already exist that gives you great pleasure or, you may imagine that perfect somewhere in your minds-eye.
Your personal and private space is just for you. Somewhere you are totally safe and completely at peace with the world.
Stay here for a while and … R-E-L-A-X.
Use the following countdown method as you to wake from your sleep, or continue to the EXTENDED VERSION to enter relaxed sleep.
When you are ready to continue, you are going to slowly count backwards from eight to zero.
8 ~ think about coming round
7 ~ you begin to stir
6 ~ gently wriggle your fingers and toes
5 ~ gently stretch your legs, your arms
4 ~ you are almost fully awake
3 ~ gently roll your shoulders and arch your back
2 ~ feel yourself fully awake
1 ~ open your eyes
0 ~ take a deep breath through your nose and exhale through your mouth slowly feeling fully refreshed.
Leave your private place and imagine you are strolling along a beautiful river bank with the water flowing gently on your right. How wide is the river? How deep is the water? How swift flowing?
Looking across to the right-bank, you see a beautiful house. It is your house.
Crossing over the river are seven ancient stepping stones. Imagine each stone. Its size. Its shape. As you take lingering and perfectly safe footsteps on each stone to cross the river to your house on the right-bank.
Take your first step ...
Take your second step ...
Take your third step ...
Taking your forth step ... you are half-way across the river. You pause and look into the beautiful, clear water. Can you see the fishes? Are there any underwater plants swaying in the gentle current? When you are ready you move on ...
Take your fifth lingering, perfectly safe step ...
Take your sixth step ...
Take your seventh step ... and lightly place your naked feet onto the lush, green grass. The sky above is deep blue and the air temperature is just to your liking.
Looking at your house you notice it has a red roof. It’s a perfect house. Visualise its size and shape, the number of windows, its front door which is open and welcoming.
As you gently walk across the lush, green grass you slowly approach the front door breathing in the clean, fresh air. Take your time enjoying each leisurely step. Feel the warmth of the air.
As you arrive at the front doorway, you enter the vestibule. What does it look like? Imagine your perfect floor, your perfect walls, your perfect ceiling. How high are the ceilings?
There is a door to your left. Go through it. You find yourself in your cleansing and energising room, which is bright, airy and clean.
As you look round, you see every type of exercise machine you can imagine. There is also a shower room. Imagine your perfect showering room; its size and shape, its construction. It can be as plain or as exotic as you wish. Does it use a regular shower-head or does the water cascade like a waterfall?
Entering your showering room you become instantly naked. Just thinking about the shower produces water-flow at just the right temperature. It flows soothingly over your entire body. Stay for a while; enjoy the fresh, cleansing experience as it washes away the grime of your day.
Step out of your shower becoming instantly dry and dressed in pure white. As you leave your cleansing and energising room, you look round feeling very refreshed. Your special cleansing room is always there for you anytime of the day.
Re-entering the vestibule you notice a door to your left. Go through it. It is your editing suite with a Directors chair in front of a console with your name on it. Sit down at your control panel.
There is a large screen in front of you and a smaller screen to your right. Set today’s date on the LED panel above your large screen.
Place today’s DVD into the player and switch on the machine to re-play the events of your day. See the people, the places, what happened. Play the disc from the time you woke until now, re-visiting each moment.
What went well today? What could have gone better? Cut and paste any less welcome events to the smaller screen to your right, which is set for problem solving. Run each less-than-perfect scene expecting a better outcome. What did you learn?
When you have finished editing, remove your DVD, place it in its dated cover and return it to the storage rack. Stand up. Place your Directors chair under the console. You feel content as you look round your editing suite. It is always there for you.
Leaving your editing suite, you re-enter the vestibule. You notice stairs to the upper floor. What do they look like? Imagine your perfect staircase.
You walk up each stair with safe, almost floating movement and enter your bedroom. What does it look like? How large is the room? What does your perfect bed look like?
It is the most comfortable bed ever and you are suddenly lying relaxed on it with the covers round you. The temperature is just right. The covers feel clean and safe. You feel sleepy.
Closing your eyes, you count slowly down from eight to zero. When you arrive at zero, you know you will have entered into a deep, restful sleep.
8 ~ you feel satisfied with your day
7 ~ you know what you will do differently tomorrow
6 ~ you remember those who are important to you
5 ~ you think of those you are important to
4 ~ you begin to feel very sleepy
3 ~ your breathing is slow and regular
2 ~ your body feels light and relaxed
1 ~ a gentle blackness falls across your mind
0 ~ you enter a perfect, relaxing sleep
NOTE: IF YOU’RE SOFTLY READING ALOUD TO ANOTHER, ALLOW THEM TO FULLY AWAKE WHEN THEY ARE READY.
IF YOU HAVE TO MOVE AWAY, DO SO WITH CARE AND CONSIDERATION.
The following will boost your energy as you wake up.
There is a curious circular platform in the center of your cleansing and energizing room. Walk over to it and step onto it.
Standing with your feet slightly apart, spread out your fingers and stretch out your arms to either side of your body. Looking upwards, the energy beam suddenly comes to life with a pleasing hum. Feel its positive power flowing throw you filling every molecule of your body, grounding all negative energy through your bare feet.
Feel the pure energy enter through your head and travel down your neck.
Feel it traveling along your arms to the tip of every finger.
Feel it continue through your torso, flowing down your legs to the tips of your toes.
Your body is being re-energised; ... re-charged, repaired.
When you feel fully energised, lower your arms and drop your head. The energizing beam instantly switches off.
Stepping gently down from the platform you feel invigorated.
Enjoy Your Day!
- As he thinketh in his heart so is he (King Solomon's Proverbs, c.BC700)
- What you think, you become, (Siddhartha Gautama aka Buddha, c.BC400)
- Life is what our thoughts make of it (Marcus Aurelius, c.150AD)
- Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve (Napoleon Hill, c.1920AD)
- No try. Do or don't do (Yoda, Star Wars Trilogy, 1977-83)
(see title) What a great question! And, the answer is not if you don’t want to be.
Everyone's effective willingness to see the world from someone else’s personality perspective determines their relationship outcomes.
Such willingness to adapt requires conscious awareness of how different personalities want you to behave with them, together with your effective accommodation of where each is coming from. The net result is those who feel good in your company will intuitively co-respond to accommodate your personality, too (Win/Win).
RECAP ~ for more than 100-years, modern research into day-to-day behaviour supports the FOUR individual Primary Personalities that we at Unleash Everyone’s True Potential have termed COOL/TELLER (1-in-10); COOL/ASKER (2-in-10); WARM/TELLER (3-in-10); and, WARM/ASKER (4-in-10). (see meaning of colours below).
Though each Primary Personalities also has a back-up personality (for another paper), we know each displays either high or low EMOTIVENESS ~ meaning the perceived control of feelings ~ as well as either high or low ASSERTIVENESS ~ meaning the perceived control of other people.
Each personalities behaviour is deliberate
Each personality has a deliberate way of greeting people, each wants their time uses in a deliberate way, and each will make important decisions in a deliberate way.
and Maslow's Pyramid
The 20th century American psychologist Abraham Harold Maslow (1908-1970) is best known for creating the Hierarchy of Needs model to explain his theory of psychological maturity (PsM) based on satisfying sequential human needs to sustain BEST YOU.
Imagine a pyramid with 5 distinct levels ascending from the ground to the top. The lowest level covers the widest span suggesting the greatest need to be satisfied before one can rise sequentially through each level to the top. Something Maslow termed Self-actualization.
On the journey to the top level (5th) ~ Self-actualisation ~ the first four levels must be satisfied sequentially. When the fifth level is attained, you forget about your needs in favour of helping others satisfy their needs.
The 5-levels represent the following innate human needs:
- 1st or Foundation Level ~ survival. The air you breathe, body temperature, water to drink and food to eat, rising to
- 2nd Level ~ safety. To a wild animal this is a den. To you it can be paying the mortgage/rent, rising to
- 3rd Level ~ belonging. The feeling you are part of a relationship / community / tribe, rising to
- 4th Level ~ self-worth. The feeling you can give love unconditionally. And finally, Self-actualisation
- 5th or Top Level ~ being. When you are your BEST YOU and display genuine concern for these levels of need in others
So, what has this to do with Primary Personality?
Imagine laying the Primary Personalities grid flat on a surface. Now stand Maslow’s Pyramid (Hierarchy of Needs) on top of the grid so the base of the pyramid perfectly spans it.
Notice the lowest or foundation level need ~ survival ~ spans the entire grid. This is our innate fight or flight response. People stuck in the bottom two levels are 'fearful' and want to attack or run away, which can lead to a STRESS REACTION (see prior BLOGs). Such reaction is not uncommon when someone is faced with an unaware salesperson, or facing a job or career interview, or a training/examination event.
Notice also, as each level of need is satisfied, the personality grid the next level spans draws toward the center until the point of the pyramid sits directly over the cross-hairs of the four personalities. This effectively enables Role-Shifting through Self-Actualisation.
So, How Does Someone Achieve This Level Of PsM?
*we rise and fall through each level of the pyramid throughout our normal day depending on the satisfaction of the level in question. For example, if you ‘ve just woken up in a warm bed and enjoyed breakfast, you’ve satisfied the survival and safety levels. Not until you are hungry again will you drop to the foundation level rising up and down as your need to satisfy changes, situationally.
[the colours to each PP suggest the respective emotional response of each of the four Primary Personalities]
- The top left quadrant represents 10% of people who tend to display Low Emotiveness with High Assertiveness ~ COOL/TELLER
- The bottom left quadrant represents 20% of people who tend to display Low Emotiveness with Low Assertiveness ~ COOL/ASKER
- The top right quadrant represents 30% of people who tend to display High emotiveness with High Assertiveness ~ WARM/TELLER, and
- The Bottom right quadrant represents 40% of people who tend to display High Emotiveness with Low Assertiveness ~ WARM/ASKER
In April 29th BLOG we looked at the initial or 1st PHASE STRESS REACTION within each of the four Primary Personalities.
As a recap, in the 1st PHASE of excess stress, each PP becomes more of what they are, meaning they become more emotive or less emotive, and more assertive or less assertive. This critical observation is essential to maintaining a positive relationship as it indicates when you may be placing *EXCESSIVE DEMAND on the other persons CAPACITY TO COPE, which can be what you've said and done, or left unsaid and undone.