THOUGHT 4 THE WEEK
(continued from 8th April 2021)
RECAP:We are learning that each of the FOUR Primary Personalities display predominant behaviour traits. Each tends to greet people differently; dress differently; has a preferred environment; will use time differently, and arrive at decisions differently. Last week we accommodated ~ role-shift ~ the WARM/TELLER.
THIS WEEK, we effectively accommodate the COOL/ASKER.
Accommodating
If you are a COOL/ASKER meeting someone you have profiled as another COOL/ASKER ~ you both share LOW Emotiveness with LOW Assertiveness. Accuracy and correctness is important to you both so you will feel comfortable together, which could be a problem. As data analysis drives your relationships, you can get bogged down in detail. As you are now becoming a trained practitioner, it is up to you to manage your joint natural tendencies to focus on deep detail. Each of you believes absolute solutions are not likely, or are exceptional. COMPROMISE is acceptable as you both make decisions based on a balance of consequence.
If you are a COOL/TELLER meeting a COOL/ASKER ~ you share LOW Emotiveness, but not the same Assertiveness. Whereas YOU are HIGH; THEY are LOW. Though you are both task-driven, it is from different perspectives. YOU are competitive. THEY will not COMPETE. As you are now becoming a trained practitioner, restrain your natural tendency to want to control every situation. Though results are important to YOU, process is important to THEM. Asking well-conceived, searching questions will support this new relationship. THEY make decisions based on possible problems that can get in the way. Allow extra time for THEM to investigate, to search, to be thorough. THEY will probably need several conversations, and meetings to engage with YOU.
If you are a WARM/TELLER meeting a COOL/ASKER ~ you have little/nothing in common. THEY are the antithesis of YOU. Whereas YOU are HIGH Emotiveness, THEY are LOW. Whereas YOU are HIGH Assertiveness,THEY are LOW. This will be your hardest relationship challenge. As you are now becoming a trained practitioner, you need to overcome your natural desire to treat the world as a stage. Though YOU don’t care for deep detail, THEY do. Do not give in to avoidable interruption or distraction whilst in their company. If your mobile rings, turn it off with an apology to THEM. If another person wants your attention, politely say you will be with them in a while. YOU make decisions based on who is having fun. THEY make decisions based on evidence presented. Allow THEM to keep THEIR considerations open. And, however irksome to YOU, be prepared to COMPROMISE.
If you are a WARM/ASKER meeting a COOL/ASKER ~ each of you share LOW Assertiveness, but not the same Emotiveness. Whereas YOU are HIGH, THEY are LOW. YOU are a people-person. THEY are a task-person. Whereas YOU want the reassurance of real friendships, THEY want analytical relationships. As you are now becoming a trained practitioner, curb your natural inclination to become a Buddy or a Pal. Resist your tendency to CAPITULATE if things are not going your way. THEY are serious. THEY are cautious. THEY are careful. So, allow time for THEM to explore all options with YOU.
To explore this paper, or arrange your interpersonal skills workshop email info@uetp.co.uk
WE SHALL CONCLUDE ROLE-SHIFTING NEXT WEEK … when we explore the tactics for accommodating the WARM/ASKER.
Complicated IS Easy! Simple IS Hard!
(continued from 1st April 2021)
RECAP: We’ve explored how to recognise each of the FOUR Primary Personalities by paying attention to their: greeting/conversation; dress; preferred environment; use of time, and how they make decisions. Last week we accommodated ~ role-shift ~ the COOL/TELLER.
THIS WEEK, we shall consider how each Primary Personality needs to role-shift to effectively accommodate the WARM/TELLER.
Accommodating
If you are a WARM/TELLER meeting someone you have profiled as another WARM/TELLER ~ you both share HIGH Emotiveness with HIGH Assertiveness. Each of you will naturally want to COLLABORATE, which could be a big problem as keeping in touch with real-time isn’t a strong point with this PP. As you are now becoming a trained practitioner, you must manage each other’s natural enthusiasm for just about everything. You will get along well; your respective middle names being ‘fun’. But you are both capable of having a blinding row when you disagree. Make decisions by referral meaning naming famous/infamous people who are doing something they could do, too.
If you are a COOL/TELLER meeting a WARM/TELLER ~ each of you share HIGH Assertiveness, but not the same Emotiveness; the C/T is LOW; the W/T is HIGH. As you are now becoming a trained practitioner, restrain your natural tendency to press on regardless. Control your urge to COMPETE or they may just tell you where to go. Keep questions light-hearted, even convivial. W/Ts enjoy superficiality. They make decisions based on recommendation. You will need to allow time for some fun along the way.
If you are a COOL/ASKER meeting a WARM/TELLER ~ you have little/nothing in common. Whereas the C/A is LOW Emotiveness, the W/T is HIGH. Whereas C/A is LOW Assertiveness, the W/T is HIGH. This will be your hardest relationship challenge. As you are now becoming a trained practitioner, you need to overcome your Inclination for correctness. The W/T just doesn’t care about much detail as long as they get what they want. Don’t be put off by inevitable interruptions and distractions. If their mobile rings, they will answer it without a by-your-leave. If someone wants them, they will leave for a while without a second thought. W/Ts make decisions based on who else is doing it? So, keep looking ahead to the desired outcome achieved with/through others, and definitely don’t COMPROMISE.
If you are a WARM/ASKER meeting a WARM/TELLER ~ each of you share HIGH Emotiveness, but not the same Assertiveness. Whereas the W/A is LOW, the W/T is HIGH. You are both people, people but from different perspectives. Whereas the W/A wants genuine friendships, the W/T can get by with fair-weather friends. As you are now becoming a trained practitioner, curb your natural desire to become a Buddy or a Pal. W/Ts just want to have fun so resist your inclination to CAPITULATE if things are not going your way. W/Ts make fun of most people, so, lighten up, and take any joke on the chin. You can make fun of them a little, too. They will not be offended, and will appreciate your good sense of humour.
To explore this paper, or arrange your interpersonal skills workshop email info@uetp.co.uk
NEXT WEEK WE SHALL ACCOMMODATE THE COOL/ASKER.
Complicated IS Easy! Simple IS Hard!
(continued from 25th March 2021)
RECAP: Primary Personality (PP) is a combination of two observable behavioural dimensions: Emotiveness; and, Assertiveness. Depending where you are on each dimension ~ HIGH or LOW ~ you will display the predominant traits of the COOL/TELLER; the WARM/TELLER; the COOL/ASKER; or, the WARM/ASKER.
OVER THE LAST 3-WEEKS, we have been learning to recognise each PP by paying attention to someone’s: conversation; how they dress; their preferred environment; how they want time used, and how they make decisions.
THIS WEEK, we shall consider how each PP must role-shift to effectively accommodate the COOL/TELLER. Over the course of the next three weeks, we shall explore the relationship between the other PPs.
Accommodation
If you are a COOL/TELLER meeting someone you have profiled as a COOL/TELLER ~ each of you share the common traits of LOW Emotiveness with HIGH Assertiveness. Be aware you both want to win, to COMPETE. As you are now becoming a trained practitioner, you must restrain your natural competitiveness. You don’t have to worry about sticking to the point. But, when decisions need to be made, YOU must allow them to feel THEY are making them. This is accomplished by presenting at least two options, any of which secures the desired outcome.
If you are a WARM/TELLER meeting a COOL/TELLER ~ each of you share HIGH Assertiveness, but not the same Emotiveness; YOU are HIGH, THEY are LOW. As you are now becoming a trained practitioner, you must restrain your natural sense of fun. Hold back your need for a COLLABORATIVE relationship by staying on track, always seeking what THEY think about things. Keep your questions focused. Listen intently. THEY do not accept superficiality. THEY want to make the decisions. YOU will need to offer positive options.
If you are a COOL/ASKER meeting a COOL/TELLER ~ each of you share LOW Emotiveness, but not the same Assertiveness. YOU are LOW, THEY are HIGH. As you are now becoming a trained practitioner, you must restrain your natural tendency to go deep into facts and figures. YOU believe there are no absolute solutions. THEY believe THEY are the solution. So, focus on the end RESULTS without COMPROMISE.
If you are a WARM/ASKER meeting a COOL/TELLER ~ you will have little/nothing in common. Whereas you are HIGH in Emotiveness, THEY are LOW. Whereas YOU are LOW in Assertiveness, THEY are HIGH. As you are now becoming a trained practitioner, you must restrain your natural tendency to want reassuring on everything. This will be your hardest relationship challenge as you may feel like CAPITULATING. But never fear, you can overcome. THEY want to be the boss and you don’t, so follow their lead. Be prepared to disagree, agreeably by stating your point of view. YOU will not offend them, and THEY will appreciate your candour.
To explore this paper, or arrange your interpersonal skills workshop email infor@uetp.co.uk
NEXT WEEK … when we explore the tactics for accommodating the WARM/ASKER.
Complicated IS Easy! Simple IS Hard!
(continued from 18th March 2021)
RECAP: Everyone is a mix of behaviour traits, however, each person tends to display one of four predominant Primary Personalities (PP). Making friends means taking active steps to be relatable to someone's PP. We commence this process by recognising similarities and/or differences between our own PP, and the PP of the people we are with.
Cautionary Note: if you choose not to make friends with any particular person, know why other than, you just don’t like them. Of course, they might not relate to your PP should you be unprepared to role-shift!
LAST WEEK, we explored how someone who was profiled with low-emotiveness & high-assertiveness (COOL/TELLER) needs to adjust their behaviour ~ role-shift ~ when dealing with someone just like themselves. As always, such observation requires constant awareness with persistent practice; the purpose of UETP interpersonal skills coaching.
THIS WEEK, we explore how to recognise each of the other three PPs. Remember, putting yourself in situations where you routinely meet/observe people provides the best opportunity of learning how to gather their 5-Clues:
- Conversation, including first greeting
- Choice of clothes
- Preferred environment
- Use of time, and
- Making decisions
The WARM/TELLER (3-in-10 people) ~ makes the world a brighter place. They …
Clue 1: greet people with enthusiasm; their conversation is up-beat
Clue 2: prefer to dress bright and showy; panache
Clue 3: prefer an informal environment
Clue 4: want some time for fun; before getting down to the serious stuff
Clue 5: are influenced by what significant people have done
NOTE: If you naturally relate with the above description, you are probably that PP. If you find two or more elements particularly challenging, you are probably not. In either case, make a list of those who come to mind that tend to fit the above description. We shall explore what they need for making friends next week.
The WARM/ASKER (4-in-10 people) ~ makes the world a more harmonious place. They ...
Clue 1: greet people as friends; their conversation is cordial
Clue 2: prefer to dress for comfort; not style
Clue 3: prefer a homely environment; even comfy
Clue 4: need time to make friends, first
Clue 5: need trusted friends to help them decide
NOTE: If you naturally relate with the above description, you are probably that PP. If you find two or more elements particularly challenging, you are probably not. In either case, make a list of those who come to mind that tend to fit the above description. We shall explore what they need for making friends next week.
The COOL/ASKER (2-in-10 people) ~ makes the world a more orderly place. They …
Clue 1: greet people cautiously; their conversation is enquiring
Clue 2: prefer to dress formally; even somberly
Clue 3: prefer an almost clinical environment
Clue 4: need time to assess the facts
Clue 5: decide on a balance of consequence; not absolute solutions
NOTE: If you naturally relate with the above description, you are probably that PP. If you find two or more elements particularly challenging, you are probably not. In either case, make a list of those who come to mind that tend to fit the above description. We shall explore what they need for making friends next week.
TO BE CONTINUED NEXT WEEK … How we role-shift.
To explore this paper, or arrange your interpersonal skills workshop email infor@uetp.co.uk
Complicated IS Easy! Simple IS Hard!
(continued from 11th March 2021)
To make friends, everyone must strive to be relatable meaning recognise differences between their own Primary Personality (PP), and the other three PPs.
For the purposes of this paper, and the next few papers, we assume you are willing to pay more active attention to the people around you at home, at work, and at play. This is easily performed without interruption to your daily routines.
For example ~ when you take lunch in the office/works canteen, or nearby café. When you are shopping at the supermarket or mall. When working out. When socialising. Anywhere, in fact, where you have the opportunity to watch the behaviour of the people around you (recommended reading, ‘People Watching’ 2002 Dr Desmond Morris).
We state that 60-90% of those you meet will not share your personality, and that failing to offer the correct stimulus to them tends to produce a clash-of-personalities. In a private environment this may result as a social blunder. In a public environment this may result as lost business.
But, what about the 10-40% of those you meet who are like you? Will you automatically get along? Maybe, maybe not!
No-one gets a second chance to make a first impression! So, what are the clues everyone displays that reveals their Primary Personality (PP)?
The 5-Clues:
- Conversation, including first greeting
- Choice of clothes
- Preferred environment
- Use of time and,
- Making decisions
For a moment, think about the two dimension’s we use to identify the four PPs: first, Emotiveness meaning Low/High control of one’s self; and second, Assertiveness meaning Low/High control of others (have you worked out what you are yet?).
This week, we shall describe the Low Emotive/High Assertive COOL/TELLER (C/T) who represent 10% of the tested population.
C/Ts tend to …
Clue 1: greet people formally without too much chit-chat; they want to weigh up a situation, first
Clue 2: dress for the occasion preferring conservative clothes to the bright and showy
Clue 3: want a functioning environment; to know where to find things, quickly
Clue 4: want their time used effectively; for others to stick to the point
Clue 5: want to make all decisions
Should the above description inspire you, you may be the same PP, too. If you find two or more elements particularly uninspiring, you are probably one of the other PPs. In either case, make a list of those who come to mind that fit the above description, and continue learning what they want from you for a good relationship.
The C/T Meeting Another C/T
Both are low in emotiveness and high in assertiveness. As a trained observer, you need to keep your C/Ts will to win in check allowing them to arrive at the ‘appropriate’ decision. You do this by placing positive alternatives before them, either one achieving the desired outcome. If you attempt to compete, they will want to win. The WHAT ~ end result ~ is important to you both!
TO BE CONTINUED … next week, we shall explore what the other three PPs must do to relate to the C/T, without losing their own identity. We call this role-shifting.
To explore this paper, or arrange your workshop email info@uetp.co.uk
Complicated IS Easy! Simple IS Hard!
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