THOUGHT 4 THE WEEK
Every relationship succeeds or fails because of the personalities of the people involved.
Failing to recognize and accommodate similarities as well as differences in behavior can get in the way of mutual understanding!
For the past few weeks, we’ve been considering how your personality trait compliments or interferes with your relationships. This week’s BLOG looks at some of the background to this empowering subject.
Read on …
All family and most work success is accomplished with and through other people; those daily interactions that help us get along, and get things done.
In his excellent book, ‘The 8th Habit, From Effectiveness to Greatness’ the late Stephen R. Covey states, “Even when intentions are honorable and communication is clear, without trust in a relationship, people look for the unspoken message or hidden agenda; it’s like tip-toeing through a minefield”. [Underline added]
More opportunity is lost due to a clash of personality, which is at THE center of every poor relationship.
The Glue to Relationships
Greater productivity is the inevitable outcome when you know how to consciously recognize how someone wants to be related to. This is true at home, at work, in business, and in your career.
When someone ‘feels’ their HOW is genuinely understood, they will intuitively invite opportunity into their life, career, business and family through the people they perceive as understanding them best.
Such relationships are established - or not – within the first few moments of every new encounter. With trust secured, every unintentional error is genuinely forgiven as someone responds, “Don’t worry, I understand”.
- Technology will never achieve this; hi-tech can never replace high-touch!
Aminals and People
When observing the animal world no one has to be an expert to recognize a lion, a wolf, a lamb, and an owl behave differently one from another. Though most people respect how they approach certain types of animals, few give any consideration as to how they approach certain types of people and, you will never get a second chance to make a first impression!
What is Personality?
*Personality may be defined as, “a combination of characteristics that form our distinctive behavior”, and research reveals everyone is more or less ‘wired’ by their 5th birthday.
Each of us possesses two observable characteristics that overlay at right-angle to produce primary personality. They are emotiveness meaning the extent to which we control the way we are feeling; and, assertiveness meaning the extent to which we control the thoughts and actions of other people.
When these two characteristics combine four primary personalities emerge:
- The COOL/TELLER who is predominantly Demanding, Direct and Decisive
- The WARM/TELLER who is predominantly Interactive, Inspirational and Impressive
- The COOL/ASKER who is predominantly Cautious, Contemplative and Calculating
- The WARM/ASKER who is predominantly Supportive, Social and Steady
Click each heading at the top of this page for the thinking of someone who has just met with each of the personalities, and to explore more on this empowering subject, email email@example.com or call 0044 7900 251258.
*clinical evaluation of abnormal personality is beyond the scope of this article
Following last week’s BLOG describing the four Primary Personalities of COOL/TELLER, COOL/ASKER, WARM/TELLER, WARM/ASKER the common question of how Motivation impacts Behaviour has been raised.
So, does WHY you do something ~ your motivation ~ determine HOW you do it ~ your behavior? The short answer is, not really and this is why …
Your motive(s) for action i.e. your motivation, your why includes your desires, beliefs, and expectations and is always situational, meaning that once you have satisfied any particular outstanding prime motivation (and there are twelve classics), an unsatisfied motivation takes its place.
For example, your current job doesn’t pay you what you want so you find another job that does. This change of 'situation' satisfies your ‘current’ unsatisfied motivation of lack of funds and, as it is now satisfied, your motivation shifts to the other end of the spectrum of doing your new job well! Then you find out that doing your job well demands unexpected abnormal working hours that negatively impact your social and domestic life and a different unsatisfied motivation kicks in.
Your fundamental Behaviour, as described in last weeks BLOG, is HOW you deliver your ‘why’ to the world! Though motivation and behavior are inseparable, they are distinct. Let’s take a simplified look at Motivation.
WHY you do things ~ motivation ~ and HOW you do things ~ behavior ~ are inseparable companions that define who you are and is what the world sees as your Character.
Why you do what you do at any given moment or sustain what you do over a prolonged period is driven by unsatisfied motivation(s), in other words, what you have yet to achieve, accomplish or fulfill. These are your base desires, beliefs, and expectations and include your sense of rightness and wrongness or, your moral compass.
Everyone’s motivation is ‘situational’, which means it changes as that which is lacking becomes satisfied. Though a series of researched questions more accurately reveals longer-term career motivating-values within the individual, you can answer the following questions:
1) am I currently a hands-on person or more academic
2) am I currently driven by money or a ‘cause’
3) do I currently favor functionality or visual stimulus
4) do I currently prefer my own company or socializing
5) do I currently value conventional wisdom or value my independence from it; and, as previously mentioned
6) do I gain my sense of rightness from a worldly or spiritual compass
From the above twelve options (two alternatives within each question), you will have a leaning towards six answers.
For example, should you have selected: academia; the cause; functionality; solitude; convention; and, secular it is likely your motivations will be better satisfied by a task-centered/technical career rather than one that is highly face-to-face with people. The opposing answers would steer you toward a career involving high interaction with people and the different combination of answers will suggest various alternative career options.
To explore Motivating Values for yourself or for those you engage with or within your business, email firstname.lastname@example.org or call +44 7900 251 258.
When introducing this incredibly powerful material about establishing better work-related and home relationships, some students become over-anxious believing it is too simple to ‘box’ people as everybody is a complicated mix of all personality traits.
Whereas it is true clinical personality assessment is always complex, trying to accommodate billions of combinations of behaviour traits for better outcomes is a tad time-consuming and unnecessary in maintaining most productive daily relationships.
In order to get on better with more people, more often we need only learn the positives and negatives of our own primary personality AND the positives and negatives of the other three. With practice, we will recognise within the first 30-seconds of every new encounter each personality, provided we know what to look for.
How Are Personalities Recognised?
People give out clues about their behaviour all of the time. The easiest observation to make about someone is how they display (or don’t display) the way they are *feeling.
For example, ask yourself if you mostly guard your outward feelings or show them freely, especially with strangers. Think about how you respond to a puppy or a tear-jerker of a film and you’ll understand. A habitually cool or warm outward response to an inner feeling reveals the polarised ends of a readily observable emotiveness scale.
Next, ask yourself how you mostly get other people to do things; passing the salt for example. Do you tell them what you want or do you ask them for assistance? Habitually, telling or asking others reveals the polarised ends of a readily observable assertiveness scale.
You have now identified the four Primary Personalities of Cool/Teller or Cool/Asker; and Warm/Teller or Warm/Asker.
How Are Personalities Accommodated?
There are five critical considerations to effectively accommodate each personality:
1. Greeting them
2. Dressing for Success
3. Entering Their World
4. Use of their time, and
5. Arriving at Decisions
The Cool / Teller represent 10% of the tested population and they will not want you to be overly familiar. They respect convention and appropriate dress for an occasion. As they ‘own’ their space, you must wait to be invited to do almost everything within it, even to sit down. Sticking to the purpose of your visit will gain respect but they will want to make all the decisions.
The Cool / Asker represent 20% of the tested population and will want to be greeted in an almost detached manner. They expect formality. They want you to recognise their organisational skills. A working agenda will help keep you both on track. Decision making is never a take-it-or-leave-it matter but always a balance of probability.
The Warm / Teller represent 30% of the tested population and they will inevitably be late for every rendezvous. They respond well to casual. You should complement their achievements. Don’t worry about their use of time, as anything goes. Mutual decision making is agreeable once they have explored all the fun ideas, too.
The Warm / Asker represent 40% of the tested population and is the dominant primary personality group. You will have to remain open and friendly at every meeting. They will dress comfortably ~ even sloppily so, feel free to take off your jacket and relax. Their space will be den-like so be prepared for animals and hairs. You must strive to get to know them as a friend, first! Then, feel free to assume the responsibility for almost all decision making.
To explore more about recognising and accommodating the primary personalities for greater mutually beneficial outcomes, email email@example.com or call 0044 7900 251 258
* not to be confused with the latent range of human emotions of wellness, happiness, comfort, security, belonging.
The above is a quote by twice elected 16th US President Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865) and expresses THE critical consideration for every relationship.
Did you know there is up to a 90% chance that you will fail-to-connect with someone, just because you behave differently to them? Think of moments when you just didn't click and you’ll get the message!
Research unequivocally supports there are four distinct social groups (Primary Personalities) in this world and you belong to one of them. Of the tens-of-millions of people profiled since the mid-20th century it is clear each group respectively represents 10%, 20%, 30% and 40% of the population ~ and you fall within just one of them!
As everyone's emotional and financial well-being depends on maintaining positive relationships, let’s take a look at each.
If you are the sort of personality that puts TASKS first in a relationship, you are within a representative bi-party group of 30% of the total, which means you could unwittingly offend 7-in-10 of those you want to establish a new relationship with.
If you are the sort of personality that puts FEELINGS first in a relationship, you are within the remaining 70% bi-party group, which means you may unwittingly dumb-down 3-in-10 new relationships.
Either outcome is expensive in emotional terms and, should you get it wrong commercially, in financial terms, too.
In the latter half of the last century, the Direct Selling Association (DSA) published a startling report stating the ‘closing ratio’ between the average salesperson and their new customers was 1-in-3. That statistic implied that, if you always behave just like you, you can only look forward to satisfying three new customers out of every ten presentations. And, if your role is to use a two-stage process, that productivity drops to 1-in-10 viz. 33% of 33%.
Does this suggest that accommodating someone's personality, first, is critical to every business, social and domestic situation? TOTALLY!
So, let’s start by discovering a little about your own Primary Personality
- If you essentially want direct answers to keep you in control of decisions, you are within a 10% group of the profiled population
- If you essentially want the facts and figures to way up the pros’ and cons’ of any proposition, you are in a 20% group of the profiled population
- If you essentially need to get-to-know those who want to get along with you, you are in a 30% group of the profiled population, and
- If you essentially need to trust someone as a friend before you open up, you are in a 40% group of the profiled population
So, what must YOU do to relate to more people, more often?
To begin with, check out the overview of each Primary Personality heading at the top of this page.
With experienced coaching and your proper application of the principles we coach, it is highly probable that you will get along better with almost everyone you meet, most of the time multiplying your income and happiness.
You figure out your potential emotional and financial returns!
Email firstname.lastname@example.org for more information.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” is the exasperated cry of someone who is affected by information you possessed but failed to pass on to them ~ usually to their cost.
It could be a client, a colleague, a supplier, or family or friend. It includes failing to communicate all the facts, it includes failing to advise or acknowledge a canceled or postponed meeting, it includes failing to communicate you are running late for a pre-arranged rendezvous, it includes failing to communicate a delayed delivery and failing to pass-along someone else’s message.
The result is high emotions through perceived loss of face, time or money. Perpetual failure to communicate what others need to know can lead to loss of promotion or position within an organization. It inevitably contributes to loss of trading reputation and is one of THE Top-5 Common Failings in Business [email email@example.com ].to explore the remaining four]
Not Passing Along Information vs Mis-information
Failing to share information is not the same as misinformation!
Though human error can occur from time-to-time, deliberate misinformation is the willful attempt to misdirect someone causing physical, financial or emotional hardship.
Not passing along information, on the other hand, is invariably due to thoughtlessness and whilst frustrating and annoying, is usually not intentional. Failing to communicate mutually beneficial information tends to be a by-product of self-absorption; meaning you are so centered on what you are doing, you ignore the needs, feelings or actions of others affected by the good or not-so-good information now in your possession.
So, I offer the simple battle-cry: “Who Else Needs To Know?”
This practical code is something to live by each time new information comes into your possession. Developing this battle-cry increases your dependability and learning to keep people in the loop raises their favourable perception of your value to them in almost everything you do. The contrary is true if you do not develop the habit!
Early transmission of relevant information is accomplished through any of the smart technologies, but most importantly through email. Notice I mention technologies ahead of word-of-mouth. Of course, you must verbally pass along mutually beneficial information as soon as possible, but leaving it as a voice-mail or conversation alone can backfire if the other person fails to take action using the excuse, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
In-A-Nutshell ~ 5 Simple Steps
- Request all verbal communications of consequence are confirmed by email by the originator ~ even snail-mail if appropriate
- Forward copy of the original email to everyone affected by the communication, (if not already actioned by the originator) requesting confirmation of receipt. NB: Cut ’n’ Paste mutually beneficial content from the original email into your email omitting anything that was For-Your-Eyes-Only
- Include a response-date in your email, diarising a 72-hr chase for those who didn't respond
- Diarise your own tasks to be completed ~ setting yourself an assignment finishing date ~ communicating what you are doing/will be done via email to all involved
- Copy the originator (if not you) with all your cascading communications keeping them apprised of every key step forward to final completion
To discuss this code in practice and the other four Top Business Failings, email firstname.lastname@example.org