THOUGHT 4 THE WEEK
There is a Taoist story of an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. "Such bad luck," they said sympathetically.
"Maybe," the farmer replied. The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. "How wonderful," the neighbors exclaimed.
"Maybe," replied the old man. The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune.
"Maybe," answered the farmer. The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son's leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out. "Maybe," said the farmer.
It Is What It Is (iiWii)
Most of the time, whether we realise it or not, we are never really in control of life events! Sometimes we are helped by others to progress and sometimes others knock us back.
This paper invites you to explore how you respond to what happens in your life. Whether you wittingly or unwittingly perpetuate the negatives and all that that brings, or the positives and all that that brings. Whether you are an “If only” or a “Next time” person?
Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
Nearly two-thousand years ago, the Roman Emperor and Stoic Marcus Aurelius experienced extensive warfare, and more than a decade of plague. Yet, he rose above even these tragic times with a wonderful self-fulfilling prophecy, “Life is what our thoughts make of it” (read that a few times …)
How you and I respond to what happens in our lives forms the foundation to our relationships, our career opportunities, our business development, and our overall physical and emotional wellbeing (the Law of Attraction).
During the past year or so of unprecedented global turmoil, many people have just given up. There are also those who grasped their unexpected release from a master/servant relationship to start their own business opportunity ~ even working from their own home.
Many initially turned to market gardening to feed their families, then to offering their excess. Others joined an on-line writers’ group to pursue that book they have always wanted to write . Yet, others volunteer their time and talent to help those who are really destitute; the refugee; the homeless; the aged; and the infirm.
Those who constantly look outward tend to fair better than than who constantly look inward. They seek out those worse off than themselves. They give in spite of their own situation. They accept It Is What It Is, and as long as they have breath in their body they contribute something, anything.
Twists & Turns
In 1997, the Australian businessman, speaker and film-maker Baz Luhrmann spoke to a graduating class. Here is what he said,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5giWfpANMac
Now Go And Do Something Better With Yours!
To explore this paper or arrange your team workshop, email info@uetp.co.uk
One definition of an apology is a declaration of sorrow or regret over harming someone.
You know the situation; you said or did something you feel offended someone. Whether it did or not, your maturity kicks in as you reflect on what took place, and you feel the need to acknowledge and repair any emotional damage.
The problem is, you do what too many people do when they apologise. You attempt to justify your behaviour with ifs, ands and buts that only serve to exacerbate the original sin.
GOLDEN RULE: when you apologise, really mean it, and SHUT-UP!
Look; an apology from the heart is just that. An atonement for wronging another. It is an emotionally mature response to having been out of order; out of control.
All true apologies require a broken heart and a contrite spirit. They do not require justification, explanation or excuses. Let me give you an example of a typically wrong way to apologise. Then, a meaningful way to apologise.
Imagine you shouted at someone for doing or not doing something ~ think of any recent occurrence. When you calm down, you feel it was an excessive outburst, and return to apologise. You start well enough, “I’m sorry for shouting at you”. Then you make it worse by adding, “But you made me mad by …”. WRONG! STOP TALKING!
Saying you are sorry and trying to justify why you said what you said or did what you did is not attempting to make someone else feel better. It’s a monologue to make YOU feel better! And, that invalidates the apology!
Meaningful apologies are 10% talk and 90% listen. Try it again: “I’m sorry for shouting at you”. Pause and listen. “I hope I did not upset you too much?” Pause and listen. “What can I do to put things right between us?” Pause and listen.
How To Avoid Setting Yourself Up To Apologise
Stephen R. Covey’s 5th Habit of Highly Effective People is Seek 1st To Understand, Then To Be Understood. This means, stop thinking about what you want to say and sincerely listen and truly comprehend another person’s perspective or paradigm.Then add to mutual understanding through discovery (Socratic) questioning.
What a perfect description of learning how to remain emotionally restrained under all situations. And, not very many people have learned how to do it. You, however, are now on the road to becoming more effective in emotionally challenging situations at home, at work, and at play.
To explore this paper, and arrange your team workshop, email info@uetp.co.uk
Complicated IS Easy! Simple IS Hard!
Personality and Character are not the same. They are separate forces that work together to predict a person’s traits and motivation which collectively we call ‘behaviour’.
Personality reveals itself externally, and is how we perform as we deliver our behaviour to the world. For example, an immature, bossy person tends to possess inappropriately managed high emotiveness with high assertiveness.
Character, on the other hand, is internal, and is why we do what we do. The same bossy person may be honest or dishonest but delivers their external behaviour just the same. It is not until their motivation is known that we determine their Character.
In simple terms, if Personality is the engine, Character is the fuel.
Let’s look a little deeper:
*Primary Personality (PP)
Though there may be a degree of genetic inheritance, PP is essentially learned. As pre-school children, our primary influencers ~ including parents, older siblings, and other influential adults ~ ‘teach’ us how to behave. It is this early training that forms our predominant behaviour in later life, and may be defined as: the habitual traits we display most of the time and in most situations, especially when under excess stress.
As adults, PP influences our chosen environment. It influences how we want our time used, and how we arrive at decisions. It influences how we prefer to dress, and how we respond to others. PP is also a strong indicator of the job-paths that will effectively engage or clash with our particular traits. In the absence of traumatic stress, PP remains with us throughout our lifetime.
For example: we describe someone who displays low emotiveness with high assertiveness as a COOL/TELLER. We predict they will prefer a functional environment, and will want their time used effectively. We predict they will arrive at decisions quickly. We predict they prefer to dress appropriately for an occasion, and will greet others ~ especially strangers ~ formally. We predict suitable job-roles include: leadership; trouble-shooting; planning; advocating; and, instruction.
Character (Ch)
Ch is the fuel that drives behaviour, and may be defined as: the reasons behind why someone does something. Ch is the motivation, or values that fuel the delivery of PP. Ch combines six primary values: investigation; financial; aesthetics’; social; political; and, moral code. Each of these values has polar-ends that oscillate as any active motivation becomes satisfied. Ch, therefore, is situational.
For example: the polar-ends of investigation are Thinking and Doing. The former fuels someone to genuinely think about a situation before acting. The latter fuels someone to act before thinking. Depending on any given situation, either response may be beneficial or consequential.
What’s the Bottom Line?
Psychological Maturity (PsM) ~ is the effective application of our interpersonal skills awareness coaching within face-to-face encounters, group or audience presentation’s, and in the written word ~ reports, letters, marketing etc.
In short, our aim is that students of UETP will attract maximum productive attention to Unleash Their True Potential!
*PPs are subdivided with back-up personalities making sixteen in total.
TO EXPLORE THIS PAPER, OR ARRANGE YOUR MAXIMUM PRODUCTIVITY WORKSHOP, EMAIL INFO@UETP.CO.UK
Complicated IS Easy! Simple IS Hard!
Developing PATIENCE cultivates character, lifts lives, and heightens happiness ~ period!
In the 1960s, a Stanford professor began a modest experiment testing the willpower of four-year-old children. In front of each child he placed a large marshmallow and said they could eat now or, wait 15 minutes, and have two marshmallows.
He left the room and watched through a two-way mirror. Some of the children ate the marshmallow immediately; others waited only a few minutes before giving in to temptation. Only 30 percent were able to wait.
It was a mildly interesting experiment, and the professor moved on to other areas of research, for, in his own words, “there are only so many things you can do with kids trying not to eat marshmallows.”
Keeping in touch with his test subjects, he noticed an interesting correlation: the children who could not wait struggled later in life, while those with a sense of delayed gratification tended to be better motivated, enjoy higher educational accomplishments and incomes, as well as healthier relationships.
What started as a simple experiment with marshmallows became a landmark study suggesting the ability to be patient is a key character trait that might predict success in adult life.
Waiting Can Be Hard
We live in a world of fast food, instant messaging, on-demand movies, and immediate answers to the most trivial or profound questions. Too many of us just don’t like to wait for anything. Some even feel their blood pressure rising when their traffic lane moves slower than the one alongside, or when someone infront of them at the checkout can't find their bank-card.
Observant parents know how unwise it is to indulge a child's every desire. But children are not the only ones who spoil when showered with immediate gratification. Each of us must learn what good parents come to understand over time: if we are ever going to mature, remain in control of our passions, and unleash our true potential, we must learn to work with purpose.
Impatience is tamed by having a greater purpose
Having a greater purpose in anything becomes our personal purifying process that refines understanding, deepens happiness, focuses action, and offers hope for inner peace. In short, we delay our gratification for something of higher value.
Patience is the ability to trade an immediate desire for a better outcome
When we curb our impulse to give in to what we want right now, and overcome the idea that being patient is somehow unpleasant and, at times, even bitter, we acquire this most precious of virtues.
To explore this paper, or arrange your team workshop, email info@uetp.co.uk
Comlicated IS Easy! Simple IS Hard!
“Think twice before you speak, because your words … will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind.” Napoleon Hill [hall of fame inspirational author and coach].
Sarcasm is meant to mock or annoy and, if we are not very careful, will unintentionally enter our everyday conversations placing relationships in harms way.
From an early age, every child is wired with non-verbal and verbal habits learned from primary influencers including parents, older siblings and influencial adults. Non-verbal habits form our body-language whilst verbal habits include words, phrases and voice-tones that are unhelpful in adult life.
Think of inappropriately apologising to someone for failing to get back to them when you said you would. What could have been a recoverable situation is forever lost!
The following short-list of common English phrases uttered without explanation all too often are perceived as offensive. Ask yourself how many times you have heard them said to you, and how they made you feel. Also ask yourself, do I say them without thinking.
I’ve been busy ~ is a thoughtless response from too many businesses, professionals, and even government departments. Without the offer of an explanation, these three simple words transmit that you are not important. To negate that feeling, an explanation must always be forthcoming. For example, … busy working to complete your order/report; busy sorting out mother-in-law’s funeral; busy preparing a surprise birthday for my partner.
What about … I have no interest ~ without adding, … as it doesn’t help me achieve my immediate needs; because my real interest is …; as my health/age /circumstance would not permit me to do it.
Have you ever heard yourself say ... Yes, or Fine (stating the person’s first name with sarcastic emphasis) ~ using a person’s first name in this manner comes across as condescending so, drop the name ~ especially within the written word ~ and replace it with, … OK; that sounds good; but I can’t get my head round …; but can you explain …?
The next phrase is too often a broken promise … I’ll get back to you ~ without adding, … as soon as I get back to the office; at 6 o’clock tonight; Saturday morning (entering a reminder in your phone or an entry in your planner).
Have you ever nonchalantly replied … Interesting ~ without adding, … I didn’t know that; I hadn’t really thought about it that way before; how did you find that out?
When you just do not understand … What are you talking about? ~ try adding, … could you explain further; I didn’t know that.
With sarcasm in mind, have you said … Yeah, right! ~ without adding, … I see; I don’t see; so what you mean is; what happened?
In exasperation, have you heard yourself saying …You can’t do that! ~ try adding, … can you; show me how; will it work that way; how did you learn to do that?
When feeling put down … I feel insulted ~ adding, ... well not insulted exactly; I should have known better; of course, I can do that.
And finally, … Trust Me ~ adding a bit of humour, … I’m a Doctor; what I’ve found is; did you know ...?
In addition to our BEST YOU series, there are many legendary masters of communication skills out there including: Napoleon Hill; Norman Vincent Peale; Shad Helmstetter; Charles Capps; Stephen R. Covey; and, Simon Sinek.
To explore this paper, or arrange your Q1 inter-personal skills workshop, email info@uetp.co.uk
Complicated IS Easy! Simple IS Hard!
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