23. Feb, 2018

What Is ... DISCOVERY Agreement?

If you've been following the BLOGS for the past few weeks you will have explored the vital importance of how to establish a mutually beneficial relationship by accommodating each of the four Primary Personalities (see the four top-page headings as a reminder). 
 
Once you have identified someone's Primary Personality you can begin to help them to discover their own concerns by telling them absolutely nothing at all!
 
READ ON ...
 
This and the next thread will look at how you help someone discover and agree what is important TO THEM. Let's commence with the first component of our two-word heading ~ DISCOVERY [next week we shall look at the second component ~ AGREEMENT].
 
Background
 
"I keep six honest serving men, they taught me all I knew. Their names are what? and why? and when? and how? and where? and who?". Rudyard Kipling
 
More than 2000-years ago, the Greek classical philosopher Socrates recorded the concept of 'self-discovery' using what we know today as soft-fact questioning. Soft-fact questioning is the process of using someone's own thinking to help them 'discover' what is important to themselves, which means you actually TELL THEM nothing at all! 
 
Think of it this way ~ if I ask when was the last time you disagreed with yourself, you may have difficulty remembering. Yet, you probably disagree with others several-times-a-day, not necessarily because what you are hearing is wrong but, because something consequential was raised you had not previously considered!
 
When you adopt soft-fact questioning with others, on the other hand, mutual agreement unfolds before you both as you allow an individual to 'Discover' their own concerns ~ and most people do not argue with themselves!
 
Let's explore 6-simple everyday situations that can arise at work and at home.
 
1 ~ Your partner says something that is patently wrongRather than make them feel foolish, you ask a soft-fact question, "Why do you say that?"
 
2 ~ A colleague makes an unreasonable assumptionRather than tell them they are incorrect, you ask a soft-fact question, "What could we assume instead?"
 
3 ~ A client produces evidence in support of a counter-argument. Rather than contradict it, you ask a soft-fact question, "What do think would happen if we did that?"
 
4 ~ A family member has a fixed perspectiveRather than argue an opposing view, you ask a soft-fact question, "What are the strengths and weaknesses of (repeat what they said)?"
 
5 ~ Your teenage son/daughter generalizes on a critical point. Rather than contradict them, you ask a soft-fact question, "What might be the consequences of (repeat what they said)?"
 
6 ~ Your boss asks a provocative question. Rather than take a defensive stance, you ask a soft-fact question, "Can you let me into your thinking?"
 
Make This Promise To Yourself [PART I]
 
"I promise never to offer any solution until someone has discovered their problem(s) for themselves"
 
To discover more about Soft-fact Questioning, call me on 07900 251 258
 
Next week we shall add the second essential dimension to DISCOVER, which is the AGREEMENT!
 
Complicated Is Easy! Simple Is Hard!