8. May, 2019
The Clinical Psychologist
During the introductory round-robin of an exchange seminar I attended on growing your business, my neighbour introduced herself as a clinical psychologist.
In such a selective group, observations, comments and questions were invited as the presentation unfolded. After a while, I raised the subject of how customers could be helped to 'feel good' about dealing with a business and their staff, such content seemed to have been excluded from the event.
Others offered anecdotal instances when they had provided what the customer had requested without any anticipated business outcome.
My psychologist neighbour held back until I described how using two simple questions to profile someone's primary personality was extraordinarily effective when relating to them when she exclaimed "people are not that simple".
This sparked a debate flowing one way, then the other until, having mentally answered my two key questions to identify my psychologist, I asked her permission to openly described my perception of her primary personality ~ she tentatively agreed.
Firstly, I said that I accepted her professional point that every individual is a combination of many life experiences ~ good one's and bad. That some people become clinically complex and unique, however, in normal day-to-day encounters people are amazingly predictable. She replied with some cynicism that this was too simplistic a view.
I said that I perceived she was both low on emotional display and assertiveness. I said for me to gain and maintain her attention, I would need to remain emotionally low-key, and careful and cautious when presenting any facts and figures of the matter. I continued, that to maintain her trust in my competence I would have to prove each point under discussion, following a sequential process towards discovery.
The group remained silent as I concluded that in my terminology, she was a COOL/ASKER.
After a pause, she reluctantly admitted that this was "probaby" the most "efficient" way for her to assess situations and the people proffering advice, but concluded she would need to research the material in depth (I rest my case!).
Creatures Of Habit
Each of us, you, me, everyone is typically 'wired' by our 5th birthday!
During these formative years, we adopt behavioural characteristics of the most influential people in our lives predominantly parents, close relatives and older siblings. From school age, our 'traits' can be observed under two vital headings: first, one's control of self or emotiveness, and second, one's control of others or assertiveness. As with every adult, you can observe these traits in primary children at play.
Emotiveness ~ the perceived attempt to control one's own emotions when dealing with others. Someone tends to offer higher emotional display or they don't. They tend to freely show how they are feeling through facial expressions, head, hand and body movement, and voice tone and volume. Those who don't display these traits are lower in emotional display.
Assertiveness ~ the perceived attempt to control the thoughts and actions of others around you. Someone tends to offer higher assertive display or they don't. They tend to freely take charge of people, events and situations and want to get their own way. Those who don''t display these traits are lower in assertive display.
Combining The Two Dimensions
When laying the Emotiveness Axis horizontally and placing the Assertiveness Axis vertically across it, four quartiles emerge.
- The top left quadrant represents 10% of people who tend to display Low Emotiveness with High Assertiveness ~ COOL/TELLER
- The bottom left quadrant represents 20% of people who tend to display Low Emotiveness with Low Assertiveness ~ COOL/ASKER
- The top right quadrant represents 30% of people who tend to display High emotiveness with High Assertiveness ~ WARM/TELLER, and
- The Bottom right quadrant represents 40% of people who tend to display High Emotiveness with Low Assertiveness ~ WARM/ASKER
Now you can identified who you are, and who the person stood in front of you is, what do you do about it to start off right and maintain the best possible relationship(s)?