I Like Me Best When I’m With You (Personality-on-Personality)
The ability to delay one's own interests by considering the behaviour demands of another is a powerful mark of psychological maturity.
Few people are naturally this gifted. Most have to work at seeking a mutually beneficial outcome. The following is an overview of inter-personal skills awareness in practice [for greater insight email email@example.com].
If you have been following the last five BLOGs, you will recognise the positives and negatives of your own Primary Personality ~ which may have come as a surprise to you? You will also recognise the other three primary personalities, which have little or nothing in common with your own.
You are predominantly one of the following:
- Cool/Teller = Demanding (10% of tested population)
- Warm/Teller = Interactive (30% of tested population)
- Cool/Asker = Cautious (20% of tested population)
- Warm/Asker = Supportive (40% of tested population)
Accommodating Someone Just Like You
Cool/Teller meets a Cool/Teller ~ both of you share low emotiveness with high assertiveness. You guard your feelings and want to be in control of the situation. You both want to win, but if you attempt to compete with the other, they will compete in return and both of you could end up losing.
So, how will you accommodate another Cool/Tellers desire to win without you losing?
Your Strategy ~ keep your will to win in check. As both of you are interested in the bottom line ~ the WHAT ~ you must allow them to arrive at the appropriate decisions by placing positive alternatives before them.
Following an open discussion to identify a ‘problem’ through discover questions (another paper), you might conclude with something like, “If you choose to do (so-and-so) you will achieve (so-and-so). Or, you could do (so-and-so) to achieve (so-and-so). Which do you think is best?”
In Summary ~ Curb your need to be first across the finishing line.
Warm/Teller meets a Warm/Teller ~ both of you share high emotiveness with high assertiveness. You both freely display your feelings and want to have fun. You both want to have such a good time that you may lose sight of the purpose of why you got together in the first place. This is a relationship of collaboration ~ a win/win outcome, but each other’s goals may be different.
So, how will you accommodate your Warm/Tellers desire to have fun without losing sight of the objective?
Your Strategy ~ keep a note of why you got together. As both of you are interested in people ~ the WHO ~ allow them to tell their stories and be prepared to tell yours. But, always keep in mind your desired outcome.
Following a fun filled conversation, use discover questions (another paper) to uncover their needs. You might bring things back to the endgame with something like, “If you could have (so-and-so), what would it mean to you?”
In Summary ~ You will keep things light-hearted but remember your desired outcome.
Cool/Asker meets a Cool/Asker ~ both of you share low emotiveness with low assertiveness. Neither of you believe in single solutions to any problem. You both want to review the situation over and over. The nitty-gritty is your motivator. This is a relationship of compromise ~ an outcome of possibility.
So, how will you accommodate the Cool/Askers desire for analysis?
Your Strategy ~ keep a written note of the desired outcome. As both of you are interested in process ~ the HOW ~ agree a working agenda to include one or two (or three) possible outcomes.
Following a first discussion, summarise where you have got to. Use discover questions (another paper) to plan and plot the next discussion. Conclude this conversation with something like, “How do you think we should proceed from here?”
In Summary ~ Whilst process and procedure are important to you both, you must keep in mind the overall objective of your discussions.
Warm/Asker meets a Warm/Asker ~ both of you share high emotiveness with low assertiveness. Trusted friendships are important to you both. But someone has to take the lead and that must be you. Know what outcome you want from each chat. This is a relationship of mutual, personal trust.
So, how will you accommodate another Warm/Askers desire for companionship?
Your Strategy ~ have an outcome in mind that serves you both. Once you have become the best of friends, they will want you to help them make decisions, which places a burden on you that you must accept.
As both of you are motivated in doing things for others ~ the WHY ~ agree who is important and what they want to do for them. Use discover questions (another paper) to obtain feelings about who they care for. Conclude this chat with something like, “Tell me about other people in your life”.
In Summary ~ Whilst feelings and friendships are important to you both, you must assume responsibility for correct decisions on their behalf.
Accommodating Personalities Not Like Yours
Cool/Tellers want you to ~ stick to the task in hand; don't waste their time; and, let them make the decisions.
Warm/Tellers want you to ~ lighten up; allow time for stories; and, impress them (without breaking any confidentiality) with who else is using your ideas, products or services.
Cool/Askers want you to ~ remain attentive; use their time efficiently; and, focus on the facts and the figures of the problem.
Warm/Askers want you to ~ relax; take time to learn about them and those who are important to them; then, gently advise them what to do.
What Important Personalities Surround You?
For each of the important relationships listed below, ask yourself the two guiding questions: are they Cool or Warm? are they a Teller or an Asker? Then. using the above explanation, determine your relationship strategy with each for mutually beneficial outcomes:
- My Primary Personality is:
- My partners Primary Personality is:
- My children’s Primary Personalities are:
- My father’s Primary Personality is:
- My mother’s Primary Personality is:
- My siblings Primary Personalities are:
- My best friends Primary Personalities are:
- My boss, managers Primary Personality is:
- My best clients Primary Personality is:
- My toughest clients Primary Personality is:
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