Part 2 of 'If You Want A Friend, Be A Friend'
(continued from 11th March 2021)
To make friends, everyone must strive to be relatable meaning recognise differences between their own Primary Personality (PP), and the other three PPs.
For the purposes of this paper, and the next few papers, we assume you are willing to pay more active attention to the people around you at home, at work, and at play. This is easily performed without interruption to your daily routines.
For example ~ when you take lunch in the office/works canteen, or nearby café. When you are shopping at the supermarket or mall. When working out. When socialising. Anywhere, in fact, where you have the opportunity to watch the behaviour of the people around you (recommended reading, ‘People Watching’ 2002 Dr Desmond Morris).
We state that 60-90% of those you meet will not share your personality, and that failing to offer the correct stimulus to them tends to produce a clash-of-personalities. In a private environment this may result as a social blunder. In a public environment this may result as lost business.
But, what about the 10-40% of those you meet who are like you? Will you automatically get along? Maybe, maybe not!
No-one gets a second chance to make a first impression! So, what are the clues everyone displays that reveals their Primary Personality (PP)?
- Conversation, including first greeting
- Choice of clothes
- Preferred environment
- Use of time and,
- Making decisions
For a moment, think about the two dimension’s we use to identify the four PPs: first, Emotiveness meaning Low/High control of one’s self; and second, Assertiveness meaning Low/High control of others (have you worked out what you are yet?).
This week, we shall describe the Low Emotive/High Assertive COOL/TELLER (C/T) who represent 10% of the tested population.
C/Ts tend to …
Clue 1: greet people formally without too much chit-chat; they want to weigh up a situation, first
Clue 2: dress for the occasion preferring conservative clothes to the bright and showy
Clue 3: want a functioning environment; to know where to find things, quickly
Clue 4: want their time used effectively; for others to stick to the point
Clue 5: want to make all decisions
Should the above description inspire you, you may be the same PP, too. If you find two or more elements particularly uninspiring, you are probably one of the other PPs. In either case, make a list of those who come to mind that fit the above description, and continue learning what they want from you for a good relationship.
The C/T Meeting Another C/T
Both are low in emotiveness and high in assertiveness. As a trained observer, you need to keep your C/Ts will to win in check allowing them to arrive at the ‘appropriate’ decision. You do this by placing positive alternatives before them, either one achieving the desired outcome. If you attempt to compete, they will want to win. The WHAT ~ end result ~ is important to you both!
TO BE CONTINUED … next week, we shall explore what the other three PPs must do to relate to the C/T, without losing their own identity. We call this role-shifting.
To explore this paper, or arrange your workshop email firstname.lastname@example.org
Complicated IS Easy! Simple IS Hard!