THOUGHT 4 THE WEEK

Unleash Everyone’s True Potential has been simplifying interpersonal skills awareness in recruiting, managing, selling and training for more than 3-decades.

The real gains for those who assimilate and apply our proprietary method of identifying and accommodating human behaviour is always profound as we witness high emotional rewards as well as multiple increase of income for all worthy practitioners.

Over the past several weeks, we have revisited what personality is, and how to identify each of the four primary styles to achieve better relationship outcomes through adjustments in our own behaviour.

Though some excellent feedback has been forthcoming, I would welcome much more.

Please find a moment to email me at john@uetp.co.uk in answer to the following:

1. What do you like best about our method of training Primary Personality?
2. What do you like least?
3. Please cite a recent situation ~ at work or at home ~ when applying our ideas helped you achieve a better relationship outcome.
4. If at all, please cite a recent situation when applying our ideas hindered a relationship outcome.
5. What ONE thing would you change about how we present this incredibly empowering subject material?
6. What would be the major benefit of this change?
7. What would be the consequence of not making this change?
8. Anything else?

Next week we shall begin exploring motivation ~ why people do what they do.

To discuss anything relating to our subject, text +44 7900 251258 or email john@uetp.co.uk

Remember, Complicated IS Easy! Simple Is Hard!

Last week’s BLOG (13th May) addressed FAQs No. 1 Through 5:

1. Are People Really This Predictable?
2. Surely Everyone Possesses Some Of Each Personality?
3. Won’t People See Me As Something I’m Not?
4. Do Personalities Really Perform Certain Roles Better?
5. Can This Material Genuinely Improve Team Productivity?

This week we address FAQs No. 6 Through 10:

6. Does Motivation Determine How We Behave?

Motivation determines WHY we do something or keep on doing it. It is our personal rewards system, which is situational, meaning the classic six motivating-values ebb and flow as they are satisfied or become unsatisfied (this for another paper).

For instance, if we compare senior religious leaders with senior business executives, we often observe a Cool/Teller at work (see 7th May BLOG). Though most organisational leaders display similar primary personality, individual motivations vary significantly. In the above case, spiritual versus commercial.

Remember, personality determines HOW someone does something, not WHY they do it! [For insight into WHY people do things see, BEST YOU: PART III Motivating Values].

7. Surely Personality Changes With Age?

It is possible for some people to become more accommodating as their years progress. That is to say, they appear more tolerant of others, especially within family. This may come about as they reflect upon their personal life experiences ~ especially trauma ~ or because they simply find peace in tuning-out.

I ask, why wait until retirement to get on better with people?  If we learn and apply inter-personal skills awareness sooner, we will reap the harvest of better relationships sooner. Husbands and wives will get on better; parents with their children; teachers with pupils; doctors with patients; and those at work or who run businesses with colleagues and customers. QED!

8. Does Work Experience Improve Interpersonal Responses?

The aim of our coaching is to ’maximise per capita yield with minimum per capita maintenance’. Every positive organisational bottom-line depends on it!

But, to answer the above question, appropriate work experience helps appropriately! This is especially true if inter-personal skills awareness training is an integral part of Continuous Professional Development. Organisations who truly commit to people skills invariably become market leaders.

 9. What About ‘Nature’ Versus ‘Nurture’?

There is one school of thought that personality is predominantly genetic i.e. nature. Another school argues personality is predominantly learned i.e. nurture. Each school of thought cites the outcomes of identical twins.

The first school observed identical twins raised within their birth family. The second school observed identical twins seperated at birth and raised within their foster families. In the first case sibling personalities were often similar. In the second case sibling personalities often differed.

You are the judge of these and other arguments for or against nature and nature. My way of thinking is it doesn’t matter much how someone’s personality became wired. What does matter is that you and I learn to accommodate what we see and hear before us. Complicated is Easy!

10. The Next Step?

The inevitable outcome for the worthy practitioner of these amazing skills is higher emotional and financial satisfaction in all that you do with and through people. Though Simple is Hard, I hope we have demonstrated that accommodating personality is do-able with persistent attention to others and consistent practice of these interpersonal skills.

So …

I. If not already completed, use the grid from the MATRIX (see 28th April) to profile the people most important to you. Then, form your interpersonal strategy to accommodate each.

II. Without getting mysterious & spooky, pay attention to your family and friends more closely. Observe work colleagues and customers. Observe couples in restaurants, pubs, clubs and supermarkets. Observe media coverage of politicians. Observe leading film and TV characters. Observe people walking their dogs, in shopping malls and on public transport. Observe everyone, everywhere. You’ll be amazed how quickly you’ll learn to accommodate each of the four primary personalities at play.

III. Buy a copy of ‘Peoplewatching’ by Desmond Morris, first published in 2002

IV. Buy a copy of BEST YOU Part 1: Who Do I Think I Am? (see BOOKS tag at the top of this page)

TO DISCUSS THIS PAPER, TEXT +44 7900 251258 or EMAIL INFO@UETP.CO.UK

Complicated IS Easy! Simple IS Hard!

This BLOG addresses the first 5 of 10 FAQs. The remaining 5 will be addressed next week.

1. Are People Really This Predictable?

Yes, people really are this predictable! The 5th Century BC Greek physician Hippocrates is credited as the first to record four defined behaviours; each readily observable provided you know what to look for.

In the first half of the 20^th century, William Marston & Walter Clarke updated Hippocrates work. John Geier then John Cleaver developing it for commercial application a few years later. Tens of millions of people worldwide have been profiled since Marston/Clarke’s original revision and the conclusion is unequivocal; we are ‘wired’ from a very early age.

 2. Surely Everyone Possesses Some Of Each Personality?

Though a ‘pure’ primary personality is exceptional, they are easier to recognise. Most people, however, display a primary personality together with a backup personality meaning, they possess a dominant trait with certain other traits from one of the other three personalities.

In my book BEST YOU: PART II Mutually Beneficial Leadership (MBL) you learn to substitute your own negative traits with positive traits from each respective personality; the meaning of psychological maturity. For instance, the two ‘Askers’ can learn to be appropriately decisive: the two ‘Tellers’ learn to be a appropriately sensitive.

Such willingness to role-shift demonstrates a maturity to modify one's own personality deficiencies ~ not change who you are. The converse is also true; everyone has personality proficiencies, and that’s where we start from ~ our primary personality.

3. Will People See Me As Something I’m Not?

Whether you are aware of it or not, you ‘role-shift’ to a certain degree anyway! Our study will improve your ratio-of-effectiveness with each PP to secure more winning relationships ~ deliberately! All dedicated practitioners of this subject inevitably maintains a higher degree of awareness of what transpires between themselves and others, and by so doing, gets along with more people more often than not. PDQ!

4. Do Personalities Really Perform Certain Roles Better?

Given the desire, relevant qualifications and sustained motivation, any PP can perform just about any role. But, a poorly matched personality all too often pays a high emotional price to perform non-personality specific roles.

For example, I know of a Warm/Asker (submissive), who retrained as a Cool/Asker tax consultant (cautious) who was recruited by a high paying national accountancy firm to act as a Cool/Teller manager (dogmatic). Every day he returned home emotionally exhausted.

Within 3-years of appointment, he resigned to pursue a lesser-paid, non-managerial situation with a competitive company. The firm lost a valuable asset that could have blossomed in a behaviour-specific role. Such manpower losses are not uncommon and a heavy price that poorly lead organisations pay for inappropriate placements.

5. Can This Material Genuinely Improve Team Productivity?

Absolutely! Subject to correct assimilation! Ask any organisation with high staff turnover how much they invest in inter-personal skills awareness from recruitment onwards and the honest ones will admit not much. Too many good administrators, team leaders, supervisors, salespeople and business managers are lost because organisations do not know how to work to their personality strengths.

A misunderstanding becomes dissatisfaction. Then people feel dejected. Then disaffected. Finally, they defect! Each personality can be appropriately accommodated so that small niggles do not escalate into big niggles and happier people willingly donate themselves to the cause of greater productivity.

I maintain it is the responsibility of every organisational leader, at whatever level, to strive to understand what makes their people tick; to work to their ‘positives’ and teach/coach/manage them to want to modify their own negative traits (see BEST YOU: Part II Mutually Beneficial Leadership (MBL)).

During this enlightened leadership process, mutual understanding builds between everyone ~ “I Like Me BEST When I’m With YOU”.

FAQ 6-10 will be published nest week.

To discuss these answers or ask more questions, text +44 7900 251258 or email info@uetp.co.uk

Complicated IS Easy! Simple IS Hard!

The ability to delay one's own interests by considering the behaviour demands of another is a powerful mark of psychological maturity.

Few people are naturally this gifted. Most have to work at seeking a mutually beneficial outcome. The following is an overview of inter-personal skills awareness in practice [for greater insight email info@uetp.co.uk].

Know Thyself

If you have been following the last five BLOGs, you will recognise the positives and negatives of your own Primary Personality ~ which may have come as a surprise to you? You will also recognise the other three primary personalities, which have little or nothing in common with your own.

You are predominantly one of the following:

• Cool/Teller = Demanding (10% of tested population)
• Warm/Teller = Interactive (30% of tested population)
• Cool/Asker = Cautious (20% of tested population)
• Warm/Asker = Supportive (40% of tested population)

Accommodating Someone Just Like You

Cool/Teller meets a Cool/Teller ~ both of you share low emotiveness with high assertiveness. You guard your feelings and want to be in control of the situation. You both want to win, but if you attempt to compete with the other, they will compete in return and both of you could end up losing.

So, how will you accommodate another Cool/Tellers desire to win without you losing?

Your Strategy ~ keep your will to win in check. As both of you are interested in the bottom line ~ the WHAT ~ you must allow them to arrive at the appropriate decisions by placing positive alternatives before them.

Following an open discussion to identify a ‘problem’ through discover questions (another paper), you might conclude with something like, “If you choose to do (so-and-so) you will achieve (so-and-so). Or, you could do (so-and-so) to achieve (so-and-so). Which do you think is best?”

In Summary ~ Curb your need to be first across the finishing line.

Warm/Teller meets a Warm/Teller ~ both of you share high emotiveness with high assertiveness. You both freely display your feelings and want to have fun. You both want to have such a good time that you may lose sight of the purpose of why you got together in the first place. This is a relationship of collaboration ~ a win/win outcome, but each other’s goals may be different.

So, how will you accommodate your Warm/Tellers desire to have fun without losing sight of the objective?

Your Strategy ~ keep a note of why you got together. As both of you are interested in people ~ the WHO ~ allow them to tell their stories and be prepared to tell yours. But, always keep in mind your desired outcome.

Following a fun filled conversation, use discover questions (another paper) to uncover their needs. You might bring things back to the endgame with something like, “If you could have (so-and-so), what would it mean to you?”

In Summary ~ You will keep things light-hearted but remember your desired outcome.

Cool/Asker meets a Cool/Asker ~ both of you share low emotiveness with low assertiveness. Neither of you believe in single solutions to any problem. You both want to review the situation over and over. The nitty-gritty is your motivator. This is a relationship of compromise ~ an outcome of possibility.

So, how will you accommodate the Cool/Askers desire for analysis?

Your Strategy ~ keep a written note of the desired outcome. As both of you are interested in process ~ the HOW ~ agree a working agenda to include one or two (or three) possible outcomes.

Following a first discussion, summarise where you have got to. Use discover questions (another paper) to plan and plot the next discussion. Conclude this conversation with something like, “How do you think we should proceed from here?”

In Summary ~ Whilst process and procedure are important to you both, you must keep in mind the overall objective of your discussions.

Warm/Asker meets a Warm/Asker ~ both of you share high emotiveness with low assertiveness. Trusted friendships are important to you both. But someone has to take the lead and that must be you. Know what outcome you want from each chat. This is a relationship of mutual, personal trust.

So, how will you accommodate another Warm/Askers desire for companionship?

Your Strategy ~ have an outcome in mind that serves you both. Once you have become the best of friends, they will want you to help them make decisions, which places a burden on you that you must accept.

As both of you are motivated in doing things for others ~ the WHY ~ agree who is important and what they want to do for them. Use discover questions (another paper) to obtain feelings about who they care for. Conclude this chat with something like, “Tell me about other people in your life”.

In Summary ~ Whilst feelings and friendships are important to you both, you must assume responsibility for correct decisions on their behalf.

Accommodating Personalities Not Like Yours

Cool/Tellers want you to ~ stick to the task in hand; don't waste their time; and, let them make the decisions.

Warm/Tellers want you to ~ lighten up; allow time for stories; and, impress them (without breaking any confidentiality) with who else is using your ideas, products or services.

Cool/Askers want you to ~ remain attentive; use their time efficiently; and, focus on the facts and the figures of the problem.

Warm/Askers want you to ~ relax; take time to learn about them and those who are important to them; then, gently advise them what to do.

What Important Personalities Surround You?

For each of the important relationships listed below, ask yourself the two guiding questions: are they Cool or Warm? are they a Teller or an Asker? Then. using the above explanation, determine your relationship strategy with each for mutually beneficial outcomes:

• My Primary Personality is:
• My partners Primary Personality is:
• My children’s Primary Personalities are:
• My father’s Primary Personality is:
• My mother’s Primary Personality is:
• My siblings Primary Personalities are:
• My best friends Primary Personalities are:
• My boss, managers Primary Personality is:
• My best clients Primary Personality is:
• My toughest clients Primary Personality is:

To discuss this paper, text 0044 7900 251258 or email info@uetp.co.uk

Complicated IS Easy! Simple IS Hard!

Today, right now, think of an occurrence in business or at work when you clashed with someone, which had an actual or potential negative impact on your relationship.

It may have been rooted in a difference of opinion with a meaningful colleague or a boss! Or, it may have been a dead-end with a client that should have completed business with you, but did not!

"More relationships are unintentionally damaged due to a clash of personality than for any other reason!"

Over the past four weeks we have revisited behaviour traits and preferences of each of the four Primary Personalities. Today, we bring those predominant tendencies together in a MATRIX of comparison (see below).

Note, the vertical two Primary Personalities on the left of the matrix share low emotional output whilst the vertical two on the right share high emotional output.

And, the horizontal two Primary Personalities at the top of the matrix share high assertiveness, whilst the horizontal two on the bottom share low assertiveness.

Now look at the Primary Personalities diagonally positioned. Note, they are the antithesis of each other, sharing nothing in common.

If you have not already done so, ask yourself how you would answer the two guiding questions about yourself:

Q1 "Am I Cool or Warm?"

Q2 "Am I a Teller or an Asker?"

Using the same two simple questions, why not gather consensus from others who know you at work ~ and at home, too. Then, check the preceived PP on the matrix below. You may be in for a surprise!

Our next blog will begin to explore the role of Psychological Maturity within interpersonal relationships. How to adjust ~ or role shift ~ your own behaviour to accommodate someone elses for a mutually beneficial outcome. But for now ...

To explore this paper, text 0044 7900 251258 or email info@uetp.co.uk

Complicated IS Easy! Simple IS Hard!