THOUGHT 4 THE WEEK
For today and over the next three T4TWs we shall overview how each Primary Personality needs to accommodate each of the other PPs for the best possible chance of a mutually beneficial outcome.
Today we shall start with how the COOL/TELLER (1-in-10 people) must accommodate others …
A COOL/TELLER encounters a WARM/TELLER (3-in-10 people) ~ both share high assertiveness!
- Helpful traits in common: each believes they know their own mind. Obtaining a 'result' is mutually beneficial
- Possible clashes: whilst the C/T wants to stick to the point, the W/T wants to have some fun along the way.
- Accommodation: the C/T must play to the W/T sense of fun whilst allowing them time to be late (for almost everything), time to take/make a mobile phone call, and time to wander off the subject. The C/T needs to join in with W/T stories and anecdotes
- For example: don’t get down-to-business too quickly, and actively listen to them: even recall a few of your own situations about “someone who shall remain nameless”
A COOL/TELLER encounters a COOL/ASKER (2-in-10 people) ~ both share low emotiveness!
- Helpful traits in common: each is task orientated meaning they put things before people
- Possible clashes: whereas the C/T wants to get to the end solution, the C/A wants to explore and explore and explore the processes to the solution
- Accommodation: compose an agenda that will help keep you both on a schedule towards the accomplishment
- For example: explore several procedures to achieve the task or tasks to be accomplished. Agree a possibly, maybe, perhaps timeline for the outcome
A COOL/TELLER encounters a WARM/ASKER (4-in-10 people) ~ your greatest challenge!
- Helpful traits in common: none at all!
- Possible clashes: if the C/T maintains their natural drive to get down to business, the W/A will probably not object but won't return your future contacts either
- Accommodation: become a W/A friend before ‘chatting’ about what needs to be done and why
- For example: sincerely ask after their family, their close friends, even their dog. Spend time getting to know them, and who and what they care about
In the next T4TW, we shall explore a WARM/TELLER meeting each of the other primary personalities.
For a greater insight into this empowering material, email john@uetp.co.uk or call 0044 7 900 251 258
If you’ve been pondering the past few BLOGs, you will have identified yourself predominantly as a:
- COOL/TELLER
- COOL/ASKER
- WARM/TELLER
- WARM/ASKER
Our Emotional & Financial Wellbeing
More relationships fail to start or end abruptly due to a clash of personalities than for any other reason. But it doesn’t have to be like that!
Each of us possesses predominant strengths as well as limitations that tend to emerge habitually in most situations and especially when we are relaxed (no need to behave differently) or when we are stressed (no time to behave differently)
Each of the four 'pure' personalities shares common traits with someone just like them. However, each has two neighbouring personalities with little in common, as well as a diametrically opposed personality with nothing in common at all.
The Three Encounters
There are three encounters which can impact positively or negatively on our emotional and financial wellbeing:
- The face2Face encounter ~ including private and small gatherings
- The group presentation ~ including small and large audiences, and
- The written word ~ including emails, letters, blogs and media
NOTE: This BLOG opens the first of several discussions for the next few weeks with....
The Face2Face Encounter
Remember, you predominantly possess ONE of the FOUR primary personalities. The next person you meet could be just like you!
Before anyone can effectively accommodate another personality, they need to recognise where that person is coming from, which has been the essence of recent BLOGs [refresh your understanding by re-reading them].
The COOL/TELLER encounters another COOL/TELLER (about 1-in-10 people)
- Helpful traits in common: each will want to quickly get down to the purpose of the meeting.
- Possible clashes: this is a Competitive relationship (psychologically: I must Win so you must Lose).
- Accommodation: remain competitive but allow the other C/T to win more often by offering alternative positive solutions for them to make decisions.
- For example: offering a take-it-or-leave-it choice has a 50/50 chance of succeeding. Offering alternatives that achieve the end result have a higher probability of success.
The COOL/ASKER encounters another COOL/ASKER (about 2-in-10 people)
- Helpful traits in common: each will want to follow clearly defined procedures.
- Possible clashes: this is a relationship of Compromise (psychologically: we will both Lose/Sacrifice something). Each believes there is no single solution to any particular problem, which can be costly in time and money.
- Accommodation: explore all propositions and, when you need to disagree, do so agreeably.
- For example: a procedure is raised that has flaws. Be prepared to offer remedial suggestions that build upon the original.
The WARM/TELLER encounters another WARM/TELLER (about 3-in-10 people)
- Helpful traits in common: you’ll be having such a laugh you may forget why you got together in the first place.
- Possible clashes: this is a relationship of Collaboration (psychologically: I Win but You can Win too). Joint winning can end up joint losing if the original goal has been mislaid.
- Accommodation: seek for and use genuine compliment for the successes of the other. Have a clear objective in mind allowing the other W/T to feel centre-stage.
- For example: have a laugh and a giggle around the things that need to be accomplished.
The WARM/ASKER encounters another WARM/ASKER (about 4-in10 people)
- Helpful traits in common: each will start out wanting to become great friends with the other.
- Possible clashes: this is a relationship of Capitulation (psychologically: I will Lose so You can Win). Each is self-sacrificing so this could turn into an, “After you”. “No, after you” situation.
- Accommodation: accept a position of confidant and you will probably be expected to make almost all their decisions.
- For example: be prepared to make even simple decisions for the other W/A
In the next few BLOGs, we will explore how each personality interacts with each of the other primary personalities.
To find out more, call John on 0044 7 900 251 258.
Thank you for yet more evocative questions. This week’s BLOG addresses Team Productivity and goes like this: “Can This Material Genuinely Improve Team Productivity?”
Absolutely, subject to the correct assimilation of this awesome material and here’s why!
Ask any firm with high staff turnover how much they effectively invest in inter-personal skills awareness from recruitment onwards and the honest ones will admit to not much.
Too many good staff, team leaders, supervisors, salespeople, managers and executives are lost because an organisation ~ small or large ~ failed to work appropriately, effectively and constantly to individual and group strengths allowing behaviour dissatisfactions to escalate into defections.
It is true, given the desire, relevant qualification and sustained motivation any of the four primary personalities can perform just about any role. But misplaced personality pays a high emotional price to donate conflicting behaviour that is not in harmony with their primary traits.
Here’s an example: a supportive personality (Warm/Asker) retrained as a cautious tax technician (Cool/Asker), an adjacent personality sharing commonality.
With reservations but stimulated by the offer of an exceptional package she accepted a position with a world leading accountancy firm, who failed to practice motivational or behaviour assessment, to perform a management role (Cool/Teller) leading a team of tax technician’s, a role demanding diametrically opposed personality traits.
Within a short time, she began returning home after each day of labour emotionally exhausted. She submitted to her doctors' recommendation for prescription drugs to help her sleep softening evenings with that much ‘needed’ drink.
After paying such a heavy price for nearly three years, and to her boss’s utter astonishment ~ he thought she was doing a great job ~ she resigned
This lady nearly became substance dependent and an oblivious firm lost a valuable asset by total misplacement within their organisation. Through naivety, the firm doubled its cost of recruitment ~ fees paid for the one they recruited and lost and fees to be paid for the one they now needed to recruit to replace her.
It is the responsibility of all business leaders, at whatever level, to be trained to know how to recognise and accommodate motivating values and primary personality to offer appropriate ‘situational’ reward to satisfy what makes someone want to persistently and consistently donate their WHY and to support them in HOW they best perform.
To explore how to achieve this, email john@uetp.co.uk or call 0044 7900 251 258.
Well, yes and no!
‘Yes’ ~ because everyone is capable of psychologically maturing by observing and learning how to relate to others ~ or what’s the point of this coaching? This, however, is adapting behaviour to compliment another’s behaviour, not changing our habitual way of doing things. And …
‘No’, because everyone is a creature of habit, which is learned during formative years and essentially remains with us for the rest of our lives.
As we have demonstrated, a behaviour is essentially dominant as with the COOL / TELLER, cautious as with the COOL / ASKER, inspirational as with the WARM / TELLER or supportive as with the WARM / ASKER. Personality is neither good nor bad, right nor wrong, it's just the way they are.
However, most people also possess observable back-up traits from one of the other four primary personalities [NOTE: a ‘pure’ primary personality, without backup personality, is rare, however, it is easier to recognize].
For example, the cool/teller may also possess backup traits of the warm/asker which will tend to soften their directness; or the warm/teller may also possess backup traits of the cool/asker which will tend to help them seek understanding et al.
When any backup personality attaches to a primary personality, we will observe 16 distinct personalities, however; this is only relevant in such depth within workplace situations including one-on-one managing and, to some extent, career selection.
In daily situations, it is far simpler for the TELLERS to learn to back-off more often and for the ASKERS to learn to speak their mind more often.
Such role-shifting does not change primary personality (which takes a trauma) but does demonstrate a willingness to modify or adapt your personality to allow the other personality to feel more comfortable in your presence.
The net result is the other personality will subconsciously adapt to your personality and you will each get along better. Comprendez?
- Won’t People See Me As Something I'm Not?
Good question! Our coaching aims to improve your effectiveness with more people, more often and especially when your emotional or financial well-being is in play. Whether you are aware of it or not you ‘role-shift’ to a certain extent anyway or you wouldn’t get on with anyone! We aim to hone your interpersonal skills awareness for better outcomes for everybody.
So, what do you have to learn to be able to consciously accommodate people just like you and adapt to those with little or nothing in common with you?
Email john@uetp.co.uk or call 0044 7900 251 258 to arrange your introductory workshop.
Several readers following these articles have asked if people are really this predictable and the answer is an emphatic, yes!
Though some practitioners in my world argue in favour of genetics (nature) over learned behaviour (nurture), we argue that learned behaviour makes up the bulk of normal personality [see personality definition in last week’s BLOG].
Within that definition, each person’s personality is ‘wired’ by their 5th birthday and, though all personality trait models are founded on the original observations of the 5th-century Greek Physician Hippocrates, too many modern practitioners overcomplicate the simple observations in recognising HOW someone wants to be dealt with, right now.
Some Background
After observing his patients, Hippocrates concluded that each of the four personality types was determined by biological conditions and as a leading physician of his day gave rather clinical descriptions to each of the four types, which isn’t too helpful in daily recognition of the two key behaviour characteristics that everyone possesses.
Today, we know that personality is essentially determined by learned behaviour, not biology!
Recap
Each of us has two degrees of ‘control’:
1) Emotiveness ~ a readily observable tendency to keep our feelings to ourselves OR to freely display them!
2) Assertiveness ~ a readily observable tendency to tell others what to do OR to ask them to do it!
No Second Chances
When people encounter each other, first impressions are critical and if you’ve ever felt uncomfortable in someone’s presence without knowing exactly why you’ll know what I mean!
Though formal profiling through dedicated questionnaire allows for the degree of extreme in one direction or the other, for everyday purposes using a best guess on someone’s high or low emotiveness, and high or low assertiveness is sufficiently accurate to establish a productive relationship.
On the odd occasions when it seems harder to best-guess a particular individual, however, that person is probably displaying a higher level of psychologically maturity meaning any close similarities or gross differences between you are less important within that relationship [see online store BEST YOU Part III ‘Motivating Values’].
Our COOL / TELLER, COOL / ASKER, WARM / TELLER and WARM / ASKER model is easy to remember and highly descriptive in everyday situations for every business manager, co-worker, sales professional, parent, teacher and other practitioners who wishes to get on with more people, more often [see online store BEST YOU Part I, “Who Do I Think I Am?”]
Personality Age
Another popular question we receive is whether getting older has any effect on personality and whilst advancing years can seem to mellow some people, we've found no correlation between ageing and changes to predominant personality. So, why wait until you’ve retired to learn how to get on better with people in general and those who are most important to you in particular?
NOTE: Fundamental and permanent change in personality is usually associated with severe mental trauma and is beyond the scope of this article.
To arrange your introductory workshop, email john@uetp.co.uk or call 00 44 7900 251 258 and discover “Who Do I Think I Am?
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