THOUGHT 4 THE WEEK
Developing PATIENCE cultivates character, lifts lives, and heightens happiness ~ period!
In the 1960s, a Stanford professor began a modest experiment testing the willpower of four-year-old children. In front of each child he placed a large marshmallow and said they could eat now or, wait 15 minutes, and have two marshmallows.
He left the room and watched through a two-way mirror. Some of the children ate the marshmallow immediately; others waited only a few minutes before giving in to temptation. Only 30 percent were able to wait.
It was a mildly interesting experiment, and the professor moved on to other areas of research, for, in his own words, “there are only so many things you can do with kids trying not to eat marshmallows.”
Keeping in touch with his test subjects, he noticed an interesting correlation: the children who could not wait struggled later in life, while those with a sense of delayed gratification tended to be better motivated, enjoy higher educational accomplishments and incomes, as well as healthier relationships.
Waiting Can Be Hard
We live in a world of fast food, instant messaging, on-demand movies, and immediate answers to the most trivial or profound questions. Too many of us just don’t like to wait for anything. Some even feel their blood pressure rising when their traffic lane moves slower than the one alongside, or when someone infront of them at the checkout can't find their bank-card.
Observant parents know how unwise it is to indulge a child's every desire. But children are not the only ones who spoil when showered with immediate gratification. Each of us must learn what good parents come to understand over time: if we are ever going to mature, remain in control of our passions, and unleash our true potential, we must learn to work with purpose.
Impatience is tamed by having a greater purpose
Having a greater purpose in anything becomes our personal purifying process that refines understanding, deepens happiness, focuses action, and offers hope for inner peace. In short, we delay our gratification for something of higher value.
Patience is the ability to trade an immediate desire for a better outcome
When we curb our impulse to give in to what we want right now, and overcome the idea that being patient is somehow unpleasant and, at times, even bitter, we acquire this most precious of virtues.
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Comlicated IS Easy! Simple IS Hard!
“Think twice before you speak, because your words … will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind.” Napoleon Hill [hall of fame inspirational author and coach].
Sarcasm is meant to mock or annoy and, if we are not very careful, will unintentionally enter our everyday conversations placing relationships in harms way.
From an early age, every child is wired with non-verbal and verbal habits learned from primary influencers including parents, older siblings and influencial adults. Non-verbal habits form our body-language whilst verbal habits include words, phrases and voice-tones that are unhelpful in adult life.
Think of inappropriately apologising to someone for failing to get back to them when you said you would. What could have been a recoverable situation is forever lost!
The following short-list of common English phrases uttered without explanation all too often are perceived as offensive. Ask yourself how many times you have heard them said to you, and how they made you feel. Also ask yourself, do I say them without thinking.
I’ve been busy ~ is a thoughtless response from too many businesses, professionals, and even government departments. Without the offer of an explanation, these three simple words transmit that you are not important. To negate that feeling, an explanation must always be forthcoming. For example, … busy working to complete your order/report; busy sorting out mother-in-law’s funeral; busy preparing a surprise birthday for my partner.
What about … I have no interest ~ without adding, … as it doesn’t help me achieve my immediate needs; because my real interest is …; as my health/age /circumstance would not permit me to do it.
Have you ever heard yourself say ... Yes, or Fine (stating the person’s first name with sarcastic emphasis) ~ using a person’s first name in this manner comes across as condescending so, drop the name ~ especially within the written word ~ and replace it with, … OK; that sounds good; but I can’t get my head round …; but can you explain …?
The next phrase is too often a broken promise … I’ll get back to you ~ without adding, … as soon as I get back to the office; at 6 o’clock tonight; Saturday morning (entering a reminder in your phone or an entry in your planner).
Have you ever nonchalantly replied … Interesting ~ without adding, … I didn’t know that; I hadn’t really thought about it that way before; how did you find that out?
When you just do not understand … What are you talking about? ~ try adding, … could you explain further; I didn’t know that.
With sarcasm in mind, have you said … Yeah, right! ~ without adding, … I see; I don’t see; so what you mean is; what happened?
In exasperation, have you heard yourself saying …You can’t do that! ~ try adding, … can you; show me how; will it work that way; how did you learn to do that?
When feeling put down … I feel insulted ~ adding, ... well not insulted exactly; I should have known better; of course, I can do that.
And finally, … Trust Me ~ adding a bit of humour, … I’m a Doctor; what I’ve found is; did you know ...?
In addition to our BEST YOU series, there are many legendary masters of communication skills out there including: Napoleon Hill; Norman Vincent Peale; Shad Helmstetter; Charles Capps; Stephen R. Covey; and, Simon Sinek.
To explore this paper, or arrange your Q1 inter-personal skills workshop, email email@example.com
Complicated IS Easy! Simple IS Hard!
COMPLEMENTARY BEST YOU BOOKS THAT MULTIPLY YOUR INCOME AND HAPPINESS
Part I: KNOWING ME, KNOWING YOU? ~ Say ‘Hello’ to Your Personality offers insight into how people behave and how to Accommodate Primary Personality in our daily interactions. Too many relationships are damaged and too much business lost simply because people fail to get along. See Everyone As They Truly Are!
Part II: MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL LEADERSHIP (MBL) aims to achieve High-Yield/Low Maintenance career relationships. Each of us has a particular way of behaving. When those ‘in charge’ effectively manage the strengths and limitations of those they work with unproductive conflict melts away. Everybody Wins!
Part III: MOTIVATING-VALUES reveals individual motivation for action. It empowers managers and supervisor to the ‘price’ people are willing to pay to attain objectives. They will go to work happier because they will receive the particular ‘rewards’ that motivate them. Be aware six key motivating-values ebb and flow as they become satisfied or unsatisfied. Motivate Me My Way!
Part IV: WILL THEY? CAN THEY? is a selecting and recruiting instrument that ‘exposes people problems’ that all businesses face when hiring! If the recruiter does not discover why as well as how someone works, incorrect selection is the expensive outcome. Every Business Hires Its Own Problems!
Part V: TEACHING versus COACHING ~ not the same! From the perspective of Training-The-Trainer-To-Train, knowing the difference between these two essential components of learning and development dramatically improves the incumbents assimilation of skills and job related knowledge. Centering learning and development around a core of inter-personal skills awareness only enhances productivity. Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance!
Part VI: COUNSELLOR ‘SELLING’ helps the salesperson to help the customer Discover and Agree their own problems as well as their own solutions. It follows a natural path of mutual co-operation by removing seller/customer antagonism normally associated with the practice of ‘unique selling points’. Less is More!
Part VII: THOUGHT4TODAY is a compilation of inspirational quotes and comment to promote ‘Psychological Well-being’. Use it as a personal pick-me-up and as a regular tonic to energise those you wish to keep psychologically motivated. What We Think Is What We Get!
Part VIII: 15-WEEK PLANNER is the distillation of what makes an average salesperson truly productive! Its common-sense approach to working to activity and never to income is mind-numbingly simple. No-one Can Manage Time!
Complicated IS Easy! Simple IS Hard!
To get your selling or business career off to the best possible start, we are offering the above workbooks at significant discount. This offer must be limited.
Email firstname.lastname@example.org for details or to arrange your Q1 team workshop.
QUESTION of the Week: How does arrogance and anger interplay?
Anger may be defined as a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility and is one trait of projected arrogance (see last weeks BLOG).
Anger dramatically weakens respect in the perpetrator and their perceived ability to make effective decisions. It manifests when someone is severely over-tired (no time to respond), has no argument (no knowledge to respond), and can only disagree, disagreeably.
Anger at the very least, makes someone appear to be unwilling, or more likely unable to communicate in a way that unites, edifies and contributes to a mutually beneficial outcome.
In a 2013 study Cognitive Psychologist Michael Greenstein of Framingham State University, Massachusetts noted that angry people are more susceptible to misinformation, and more likely to use false information to guide their decision-making and actions.
This study also revealed that information and confidence, traditionally in harmony, conflicted in angry people. As angry people feed more and more on misinformation, they become more confident in their misunderstanding.
Angry people confuse a heightened state of emotion for a heightened state of reason, problem solving and abstract thinking. They believe themselves to be alert, aware, firing on all cylinders, but act as if they were drunk.
Greenstein implied that anger-inhibited people are more at risk than the alcohol-inhibited. Whilst alcohol impairs memory, anger creates false memories. “A constellation of risks”, is how Greenstein refers to the implications of anger. Ignore these risks at the peril of relationships.
TO DISCUSS THIS PAPER, OR ARRANGE YOUR TEAM WORKSHOP, EMAIL INFO@UETP.CO.UK OR CALL 0044 7900 251258
Complicated IS Easy! Simple IS Hard!
Arrogance, all too often, is a trait in the eye of the beholder.
When people accuse others of being arrogant, they do not consider there are several ‘types‘ of that condition. For the purpose of this paper, we shall identify two: actual and projected.
Actual Arrogance is readily observable. It is when someone intentionally looks down on someone they perceive as inferior in background, confidence, skill or knowledge. They take perverse pleasure in mocking or belittling them, especially in the company of others. In short, they are said to ‘crow‘.
Projected Arrogance is more common than actual arrogance and rarely accepted by the individual in possession of it. It manifests when someone projects their own failings on to others they perceive as possessing greater confidence, skills or knowledge than themselves. They use this defence tactic to justify their own feelings of insecurity. In short, they play a 'blame game'.
The following describes some of the major traits of those who project their own arrogance and is intended as a protection against it:
1. Projected Arrogance ~ contribute their own weaknesses as someone else‘s fault. They project their own fears, limiting beliefs, and toxic thinking seeking reassurance by blaming another
2. Projected Arrogance ~ whilst genuine humility speaks a quiet truth, projected arrogance manipulates people and situations to reinforce itself. Those who engage in gossip, angry outbursts, resentment and feelings of being offended, display arrogance not humility
3. Projected Arrogance ~ behaves pridefully towards those they accuse of possessing it. Such pride manifests as defiance supposing it is in the right. It is unsympathetic, close-minded and vexatious
4. Projected Arrogance ~ attempts to mask its own insecurity. It strives to conceal doubt and feelings of inadequacy that can have a significant detrimental effect on one‘s purpose in life. Prolonged feelings of insecurity are clinically linked to depression, anxiety, paranoia, addiction and dependency
Truly Confident People Are Not Arrogant
- are proactive and continue positively towards the end in mind
- decide quickly and think win/win for all involved
- listen to others seeking first to understand, then to be understood
- do not take offence: when in disagreement, they do so agreeably
- speak with quiet authority because they know what is real
- celebrate the success and achievement of others
- focus on their own strengths, working to the strengths of others
To explore this paper, or arrange your workshop email email@example.com
Complicated IS Easy! Simple IS Hard!