19. Feb, 2020

Are You Talking Yourself To Death?

Research reveals we each generate a whopping 70,000 thoughts every single day. That’s nearly one thought every second of every day ~ good or bad! What’s more, we revisit more than half of them over and over meaning we tell ourselves again and again that we are doing OK or that we are not!

Negative self-talk is more common than you think.Perhaps you do it too often?

You know, the counterproductive thoughts that sends you on a downward spiral physically, mentally or emotionally. Such ‘orribleness can be rooted in trigger events: the death of a loved one, a broken relationship, loss of work, a medical diagnosis, even moving to a new house, or simply unhealthy eating or irregular exercise. Uncontrolled negative thinking chips away at our self-esteem.

Forgiveness of Self Is Critical!

If you have trouble escaping negative naggers, self-forgiveness is the antidote. But, what exactly does it mean to forgive yourself?

Self-forgiveness is an essential component of psychological health that involves openly acknowledging our good attributes as well as our not-so-good ones. This does not mean not working on getting better, on improving, on changing. On the contrary, that’s the aim of this paper.

The Three Main Attitudes To Work On:

  • loving our physical self ~ even if we're not completely satisfied with our height, weight, level of fitness or any other physical features;
  • guarding our emotions ~ by not consenting to another's negative judgment of us; and,
  • having faith ~ in ourselves by recognizing and emphasising our character strengths

People who have balanced these three areas of self-acceptance maintain a higher level of self-esteem resulting in more mutually beneficial outcomes with others. They're less likely to suffer from depression (too much time spent looking to the past), from anxiety (too much time spent looking to the future), from eating disorders or obesity.

Boosting Physical & Mental Health

Research reveals self-forgiveness actually boosts physical health and psychological well-being through the power of positive thinking and especially combats depression.

This makes sense as our positive attitudes bump-start better choices that promotes and strengthens the efficiency of our immune system, uplifts our spirits and decreases pain and chronic disease to provide stress relief. The opposite is also true. If we convince ourselves we are in a pit, guess what happens to our physiology?

One study found that happiness, optimism, life satisfaction and other positive psychological attributes are directly associated with a lower risk of coronary disease.


What we think about most of the time ~ good stuff or bad stuff ~ is what we attract in return. Kristin Neff Ph.D. explains that what he calls self-compassion has three primary outcomes:

  • Substitute Self-judgment with Self-kindness ~ and we develop a frame of mind that comforts us in time of need. We stop regarding ourselves in a harsh, critical or judgmental way
  • Substitute Isolation with Humanity ~ and we will understand through genuine friendships that being human is not to be perfect and that making mistakes is common with everyone
  • Substitute Over-identification with Mindfulness ~ and we will accept each precious moment allowing us to reflect upon, but not give-in to, any negative experience

Get Rid of 'Shoulda’s'

Repetitive negative thinking about yourself will feed self-criticism. Beating yourself up for not making healthier eating choices or taking enough exercise or anything else is self-destructive.

Removing "shoulda" from your self-talk lessens false disappointments, guilt and shame. By removing the "shoulda" from your self-talk, you've made power-less the imagined authority standing behind you demanding that you 'SHOULD' do better. You become your own master again!

Choose each thought very carefully! As Henry Ford put it, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t. You’re right”.

So, start thinking the good, positive, uplifting thoughts right now. This very second. And keep on, keeping on!

To explore this paper, text 0044 7900 215258 or email john@uetp.co.uk

Complicated IS Easy! Simple IS Hard!