19. Jun, 2020

Highly Effective Human Communication

Note: We shall explore Stage 2: Discover in depth next week.

When I began my sales and marketing career in the early eighties the use of the unique selling point (USP), selling techniques (ST) and scripts dominated the training. Even today, many organisations hang-on to such limiting practices. At the time, and not knowing any different, I dutifully followed that mantra.

All went well for my first few weeks until I presented a well-conceived solution to a businessman who instantly recognised the phrases I was trained to employ. Needless to say, he did not become a client.

This essential lesson convinced me that techniques limit rather than enhance human communications ~ especially if your potential client has been to ‘sales-school’ too. This observation is true at work, and in family and social situations.

Feeling there had to be a better way of connecting with every person, as an individual, I sought the psychology where everyone was on the same team. Forty years later, I have yet to discover a more empowering practice of mutually beneficial decision-making.

People Really Don’t Like Making Decisions

Decision-making is about TRUST, which requires effective communication ~ even within oneself.

The following four critical stages empower all involved in the decision-making process:

  • RELATE means always Maintaining a Conscious Awareness of Personality and Motivation
  • DISCOVERY means Agreeing where someone is right now and where they want to be, together with the best ways of getting there
  • ADVOCATE means Selecting the most appropriate Immediate Action(s), and
  • SUPPORT means Confirming Immediate Action(s) and Planning Future Relevant Actions

These inseparable four companions rest upon each other’s shoulders to achieve greater emotional and financial rewards for all involved by establishing a mutually beneficial outcome.

Short Introductions

RELATE ~ as discussed in previous papers, more relationships are damaged due to a clash of personality than for any other reason. How many times have you heard another or yourself say about a new acquaintance, “There’s something about him/her I just don’t trust!” People trust other people when we feel comfortable in their presence ~ when personality-on-personality is not in conflict! 

The purpose of Primary Personality AND Motivating-values coaching is to recognise and accept one’s own behaviour traits whilst recognising and accommodating the behaviour traits of other people. This does not mean becoming someone you are not but learning to adapt or role-shift to allow others to feel comfortable when they are with you.

The consequences of failing to establish the relationship, is not being permitted to progress to Stage 2 of the decision-making process:

DISCOVERY ~ even with an agreeable relationship, most people do not like to be told what to think or feel. All too often contention ~ heated argument ~ can erupt from opposing points of view. Television and film makers centre audience appeal on such Win/Lose situations in the name of entertainment.

While most people do not like being told what to think/feel, they are willing to reveal their attitudes, beliefs and opinions to a sensitive enquirer ~ someone they can trust. Socratic questioning is the practice of helping someone discover and agree for themselves what is truly important to them in their current and foreseeable circumstances. Success here, permits Stage 3 of the decision-making process:

ADVOCATE ~ an advocate is someone who represents someone else. In law this would be the respective defence/prosecution lawyer representing their clients. To be an effective advocate means building on attitudes, beliefs and opinions by exploring immediate and future actions to resolve an agreed problem(s). This permits Stage 4, the final element in this highly effective decision-making process:

SUPPORT ~ means reassuring the decision-maker and making plans for their next decision. For most people, decision making is a high-emotion experience, especially when the problem solved was significant. Following any important decision, people often enter a period called buyers-remorse, which may last a few hours, days or even weeks. Left alone during this time of doubt, even good decisions can be reversed. It is especially critical the decision-maker has trusted people around them to act as their ongoing confidant. Planning Reviews for future actions reinforce the most recent action.


On the whole, people do not like making decisions, especially important ones. If you doubt this observation, ask yourself why more than half of British adults have not made a Will and you’ll get the message.

RELATE > DISCOVER > ADVOCATE > SUPPORT is a highly effective communication practice that simplifies an otherwise complicated human process for greater emotional and financial benefit for all involved.

To discuss this paper, text 0044 7900 251258 or email info@uetp.co.uk

Complicated IS Easy! Simple IS Hard!