18. Sep, 2020

Are We Saying COOL/TELLERS Don’t Cry?

NB:In-depth understanding of stress reactions is usually reserved for our workshops. But here’s an overview.

Question of The Week: ‘I know of highly assertive people who become tearful. How does this stack up with your Stress Reactions?’

In our previous two BLOGs we glimpsed the initial stress reaction of each of the four Primary Personalities. There are, however, four progressive levels of negative stress that can manifest if the cause of that stress is not managed appropriately.

Recap: The first level (L1) of stress reaction is when each primary personality becomes more of what they are:

  • The Cool/Teller (C/T) becomes more assertive and less emotive
  • The Warm/Teller (W/T) becomes more assertive and more emotive
  • The Cool/Askers (C/A) becomes less assertive and less emotive 
  • The Warm/Askers (W/A) becomes less assertive and more emotive

But, what if the cause of someone’s physical, intellectual or emotional stress persists. What then?

Unremitting stress inappropriately managed may manifest in what we term as the N-Pattern; first travelling through the assertive dimension followed by the emotive dimension.

Let’s take the Cool/Teller's journey through their stress reactions:

  • Level 1 ~ becomes more of a Cool/Teller meaning more assertiveness and less emotiveness, then
  • Level 2 ~ becoming a Cool/Asker meaning reducing assertiveness whilst maintaining low emotiveness, then
  • Level 3 ~ becoming a Warm/Teller meaning regaining assertiveness and adding emotiveness, then
  • Level 4 ~ becoming a Warm/Asker meaning maintaining emotiveness whilst reducing assertiveness (this is the stress level when the C/T can cry)  

Here are N-Pattern's for the other Primary Personalities journey through their stress reactions:

  • The Warm/Teller initially becomes more of a W/T, followed by W/A, then C/T, then C/A
  • The Cool/Asker initially becomes more of a C/A, followed by C/T, then W/A, then W/T
  • The Warm/Asker initially becomes more of a W/A, followed by W/T, then C/A, then C/T


Everyone is made up of the same ‘star-stuff’. However, primary personality acquired in the first 5-years of life, responds to persistent stress through the predictable N-Pattern.

IMPORTANT: Most primary personalities wittingly or unwittingly enter L1 in an attempt to relieve what they perceive to be the cause of their stress. Moving to L2 and beyond, is likely to provoke an increasingly debilitating reaction within the individual, even leading to a psychotic episode (which is beyond the scope of our interpersonal skills coaching).

To discuss this paper, text 0044 7900 251258 or email info@uetp.co.uk

Next week we shall explore the empowering outcome of projecting Psychological Maturity.

Complicated IS Easy! Simple IS Hard!