DEALING WITH STRESS RESPONSES / Emotional Maturity
IMPORTANT: This paper is not intended to address clinically diagnosed traumatic stress disorder. However, should any individual display the relevant stress response described below more than three times each month, appropriate professional counselling may be beneficial.
There are several definitions of Stress, but I prefer the simplicity of: An imbalance between any demand placed upon us, and our ability to cope with it! Imagine a see-saw with 'demand' sat in one seat, and 'capacity-to-cope', sat in the other seat, and you’ll get the picture.
Positive psychology teaches we are each the captain of our own soul. Yet too often, too many people allow others, or their physical circumstances, or what they allow themselves to think about most of the time to upset their emotional maturity.
Is Stress Always Negative?
Every living creature requires some stress to survive. In manageable bursts this can include excessive stress. For wild animals it’s the ability to catch its food. In humans it’s the ability to deliver work or a promise on time. When sustained inequality between demand, and capacity-to-cope (see above), is placed on any of the Primary Personalities (PP), a stress response may result.
Let me preface what I am about to say by mentioning that it is not usually a good idea to deliberately push someone into stress. UETP offer coaching precisely to improve interpersonal relationships, not aggravate them. However, recognising each PPs stress response is a valuable skill in maintaining that relationship.
Predictable Stress Reactions
Each PP possesses four escalating stress stages. The first stage is becoming more of what they are:
The COOL/TELLER ~ becomes even more assertive & even less emotive. This initial stage tends to manifest as autocratic behaviour ~ my way of the highway. To ease the stress of the C/T, allow them to ‘win’ by reminding them of the positive alternative outcomes.
The WARM/TELLER ~ becomes even more assertive & even more emotive. This initial stage tends to manifest as personal verbal insult ~ swearing. To ease the stress of the W/T, allow them to vent their frustration, then suggest you both enjoy a social get-together.
The COOL/ASKER ~ becomes even less assertive & even less emotive. This initial stage tends to manifest as avoidance ~ pursuing irrelevancies. To ease the stress of the C/A, bring them back to the matter in hand by asking relevant questions.
The WARM/ASKER ~ becomes even less assertive & even more emotive. This initial stage tends to manifest as tears ~ you don’t love me anymore. To ease the stress of the W/A, allow them to feel you care for them by offering sincere and personal reassurance.
If the above sounds unlikely, look out for the signs, and be part of the solution.
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NEXT WEEK WE SHALL EXPLORE ESCALATING STRESS RESPONSES.
Complicated IS Easy! Simple IS Hard!